


Love in the City

by s_a_b_i_n_e



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Assistant Professor Magnus Bane, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentioning of past eating disorder, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Professor Alec Lightwood, Single Parent Magnus Bane, Skippable Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 27,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28960470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e
Summary: When there is a room mix up at the start of their summer courses, professors Alec and Magnus meet for the first time ...
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 941
Kudos: 497





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my new story. I hope you enjoy it. 💜
> 
> Thank you to Hittiske who I'm happy to have as my beta again. 😘

Alec lays his head on the dinner table in the small open plan living space of his tiny apartment. The table is neatly packed with stacks of papers, more pens than he will ever need, several reference books he might use, and a mug saying 'Guncle - Like an uncle, only more fabulous' that holds his umpteenth cup of coffee of the day.

He lets his arms hang floppily at his side. Sometimes he really hates his job.

_Question: What does the divine narrative framework of Goethe's 'Faust' have in common with Brecht's 'The Good Person of Szechwan'?"_

_Answer: Nichts._

"Nothing."

Why does someone pay good money for studying Germanic languages and literatures, if they are obviously not interested in the topic? Why did they even show up?

He squints at the name on top of the page. He doesn't recognise it, so probably someone who never attended his course in the first place. Why doing something like this then?

Alec shakes his head in annoyance, takes a deep breath, puts a fat 'F' on the single page, and takes the next paper to grade. He didn't study for years, did his doctorate, and became the youngest professor in his department to let a student spoil his day.

Just one more week and he'll be free. Not free of work, but at least of the stacks of papers. There is a summer course he has to offer. His colleague who usually does the German introduction course is on sick leave and Alec always liked being a tutor for the newbies when he was a student assistant, so he agreed to step in.

The course structure is clear, giving the seminar pretty straightforward. That will leave enough time to read all the books piling up on his bedside table, to avoid the New York heat in Izzy's rooftop swimming pool, and to spend time with his niece and nephew. Clary and Jace deserve a few hours without their twins and Alec misses them dearly after three weeks of not being able to see them.

Alec grades until his eyes are burning. It's a shame. The current paper is intriguing, opening up the literature question to a theological one. He loves it when students put in more than the mere minimum, challenge his own view or open it up to a wider horizon.

He checks the time. He worked through lunch _and_ dinner. He winces. Izzy would scold him for neglecting himself. She would be right of course.

He opens the fridge. A big yoghurt pot, a bottle of orange juice, and three boxes of questionable leftovers are all he finds. Against his usual reflex, he decides to skip the option of juice soaked cereals and grabs his keys to get something from the kebab shop around the corner instead. He promised Izzy to leave the apartment at least once a day, work-related journeys not included.

Maybe it should bother him that Izzy is living rent-free in his head, but he knows that all these little 'rules' are born out of love. It's not easy, but for once he wants to let her take care of him, not the other way around as it had been for so many years.

The New York air flickers over the hot bitumen and people from all backgrounds are slowly creeping up the pavement. Kids are sitting on the stairs up to his house eating ice cream, a man is sweating in his three-piece suit talking loud and important into his phone. A woman in hotpants and bikini top is waiting for the bus next to another woman wearing an abaya and a hijab.

Alec loves his neighbourhood. It's multicultural and open-minded, loud and lively, and everything he loves about New York. He missed it so much when he studied abroad in Heidelberg which was great in terms of education and culture, but a big let down in the entertaining department. Not that he would have gone out regularly. He was so deep in the closet then that Narnia was just a step away. But still, the German university town and popular tourist destination was more of a backwater, not only compared to the Big Apple.

Alec waves his hand to Maia in the corner shop, picks up the newest 'Süddeutsche Zeitung' at Lydia's newspaper kiosk, and is greeted by Raj when he orders his usual shish kebab.

"How you're doin', buddy?" Alec asks and Raj raves about the cuteness of his firstborn daughter Nila and how graceful his wife managed the birth. He pulls out his phone to show him pictures of the little princess. "She's beautiful, Raj. I'm so happy for you. Congratulations! Give Aahana my best. I hope she recovers well."

On his way home Alec can’t get Raj and his little family out of his head. Children were never on his radar. As tidy as his life looks from the outside, as chaotic and messed up it is on the inside. And then there is the elephant in the room of course: He doesn't have a partner to raise a family with, and well, the little detail that he is gay may play into it, too.

He thinks of his old college friends Aline and Helen who are expecting their second child right now. He frowns. Everyone around him seems to be in a baby fever, even Izzy and Simon are talking about 'trying'. Well, it's likely just the age. There is only a small timeframe when you try to build an academic career _and_ a family.

Maybe all this apple pie life stuff just isn't in his cards. For the first time in years, he is finally settled, found something close enough to happiness that it might be sustainable. Perhaps he should be more modest with his expectations.

He has a secure job, loving siblings and friends, parents who finally accepted him for being gay or at least don't push women on him anymore. He has a lifetime of reading material on his bookshelves and a list of 40 places he wants to see before he is 40.

He is fine. It's enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I'm always curious about what you think. Let me know in the comments


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone asked: I switched from posting in the morning to posting in the evening (MET). It works better for me, now that the kids are distant learning at home for the next few weeks.

Magnus groans under the weight of a jam-packed pilot bag on his shoulder and his six-year-old on his hip. Max has been clingy since the day his mother left them two years ago, but throwing a fit whenever he has to walk down the flight of stairs from the loft to the elevator is a new quirk and Magnus really doesn't have the nerve to discuss it with him right now. So he carries 20 kilos of wreathing preschooler while trying to put the key in the lock.

"Rafe, hurry up. We need to leave. Now!" he shouts.

The eight-year-old boy flies past him in his signature mix of striped shorts, dotty shirt, and a baseball cap announcing that he is a magical unicorn.

Despite the stress and time pressure Magnus can't help but chuckle. He loves his children's independent and strong spirits. It may not always be easy, but he never regrets taking the time to spend their formative years with them even if it meant not making the career he had been set on before Camille informed him that they had to marry due to an unplanned pregnancy.

That he agreed to the marriage despite knowing that she wouldn't be a good wife or mother, neither in the traditional nor in a progressive way, may have been the best and the worst decision of his life. Without their marriage, Max wouldn't be here and Rafael probably neither.

No, he can't regret having the boys and he can't regret putting his career on the back burner for them. He knows that it most likely will never recover from his part-time employment in the last years. Teaching the French introduction class might be family-friendly, but it doesn't give you the opportunity to do research or publish anything that might lead to promotions or full professorships.

It's a catch-22, one that single parents often are trapped in, even long after they are able to work fulltime again.

As much as Magnus likes teaching the new students on campus he hopes that he will break the vicious cycle when Max starts school in autumn.

He catches up on Rafael who already pressed the button to call the elevator. The door opens after just a few seconds. Thank God for little mercies.

Magnus tries to occupy the kids with books during the taxi journey over to Catarina's home, but the traffic is jammed and he gives in and buys himself some time off by handing out tablets and headphones. 

The subsequent near-silence gives him a breather, the first and probably last of the day. Right after dropping off the boys at Catarina's he needs to hurry to the campus to submit the grades of the papers he marked in the last days. The website crashed for the umpteenth time this semester and, no, it's not possible to pass them through over the phone, as he was informed by the dean's secretary. Yes, sometimes Magnus hates his job. He most certainly does right now.

Cat gives him a sympathetic hug and invites him to dinner after work. He smiles at her thankfully and kisses the boys goodbye. 

The cab driver still waiting downstairs gives him the once-over and Magnus barely suppresses an irritated sigh. He's used to being looked at oddly, but his skin is paper-thin today, his wardrobe not the armour it usually is.

One of Camille's rare weekends is coming up and he already knows that preparing the boys for meeting their estranged mother and picking up the broken pieces his ex always leaves behind will be exhausting.

The boys are old and experienced enough to see through her false promises and lies. But Magnus doesn't want to alienate his children from her. She is their mother and maybe one day she will see what a gift the two kids are. Magnus can't allow himself to think otherwise. He knows from personal experience how it is to have a parent who doesn't love you. He wouldn't wish this on anybody, but especially not his own children.

He struggles with the glitching software on his pc in the tiny office he shares with Raphael from the Spanish department and sighs in relief when the grades are finally accepted by the system.

He knocks on Ragnor's door. His former mentor looks up from an original volume of Duras' 'The Lover'. 

"Are you already preparing for the fall semester?" Magnus asks, slumping down on the chair opposite his friend. He still remembers the first time he came here as an intimidated freshman. The room hasn't changed at all.

"No, I just take a look at the classics. We were asked to write essays for an anthology about female and queer platonic relationships in literature. I'm just not feeling it. Usually, I have a vision right away, but this one is bugging me for days already."

"I could give you some ideas," Magnus offers, grinning at the older man. Ragnor is quite progressive for his age, but he for sure isn't the best for writing about a topic like that.

Ragnor seems to read his mind. "Or I could just let you write the essay. You are the one with the second degree in gender studies after all."

Magnus chuckles without mirth. "No one wants to read an essay by a nobody, my old friend."

Ragnor sighs dramatically. "Poppycock! They will read it and then you might finally get the attention you deserve. I still use your dissertation in my lectures, Magnus. You're brilliant and the academic world needs your voice. We are too old, white, and straight anyway."

Magnus snickers softly and plays with the ring on his wedding finger, a habit he wasn't able to ditch even after the divorce. Ragnor is right. Of course, he is. This may be his only chance to really get back into the uni circus.

"What are the basics?" he asks after a long moment of contemplating.

Ragnor grins mischievously and hands him the letter with the information. "Do you think you can write this over the summer?"

Magnus studies the details and nods. "It might take a few sleepless nights, but yes. I think I can do this."


	3. Chapter 3

Magnus hates early morning lectures. It hasn't always been this way, though. Not back when he was an A+ student, but now as an assistant professor he dreads them.

It's always the same. Rafael, the morning grouch that he is, doesn't get his act together and Max, sensing Magnus' tenseness, throws a tantrum. Every. Single. Time.

It doesn't matter how early or late they get up. Magnus has no other choice than trying anew again and again, and hoping for it to get better one day.

At least for his fitness these mornings are positive. The way he runs from the subway station to the campus is nearly olympic. Just good that he checked the room number of his lecture last week. He knows every shortcut by heart and if the dallying students would go out of his way, he might even make it punctually.

He does it, barely, but 20 seconds early are 20 seconds early and he knows the curriculum by heart, so he can jump in right away after catching his breath.

He all but flies into the lecture hall, throws his bag on the desk and turns to write his name on the blackboard. He puts on his most inviting smile and starts.

"Bonjour à tout le monde, je me présente: je m'appelle Magnus Bane, mes pronoms sont il/lui et ..."*

A murmur goes through the overcrowded room. Magnus looks at the students in confusion. They can't all be bigots, can they?

Someone clears his throat behind him and Magnus turns to the source. What he sees takes his breath away. A tall, dark, handsome man looks at him with a lopsided smile and a soft blush on his light skin.

"Bienvenue, monsieur Bane. Je pense que vous vous êtes trompé sur la chambre. Ceci est le module allemand 2," the other man says.*

Magnus shakes himself out of the staring and swallows around the lump in his throat.

"No, I don't think so, Mister ...?"

"Oh, how rude of me. My name is Alec Lightwood," the other man introduces himself.

Magnus takes the outstretched hand and shakes it, purposefully letting go before it might turn awkward. It wouldn't do anyone good if he started salivating in front of his colleague and his students.

Alec grabs a sheet from the table and hands it over to Magnus. "Here, room 3.26."

Magnus looks at it and nods. He rummages around in his bag until he finds his own paper. "Mine states the same," he says and shows the proof to Alec.

The other man brushes a hand through his hair and sighs sharply. "They really should update their software," he murmurs to Magnus.

He turns to the students. "We have a double occupancy. That happens sometimes. Please, choose a partner and exchange with them in your respective study languages why you decided to enrol in a language and/or literature degree. Mister Bane and I will find out where everyone is supposed to be."

They leave the lecture hall and Magnus tries to match Alec's pace. Gosh, the taller man is really fast. Magnus can barely keep up. Fortunately, the administration office isn't far, but other colleagues are already queuing up in front of it. It seems Magnus and Alec weren't the only ones with a glitch.

"I guess we'll be stuck here for quite some time," Magnus says and delights in the chuckle that Alec lets out in response.

"Yeah, and I was so proud that I got in early," Alec says, smiling at him.

Magnus gives him a soft chuckle in response. But then he furrows his brow. "Wait, you said that you'd teach German 2. Isn't that Tessa's course?"

Alec nods. "Yes, but she is on sick leave. She might not come back until next year. Do you know her?"

"Yes, since college. My roommate was her boyfriend then. We sometimes reminisce about old times when our ways cross," Magnus explains. "I hope it's nothing serious?"

"She has a terrible case of morning sickness. We all hope she gets better soon."

Magnus shakes his head in agreement. "My wife had hyperemesis gravidarum with our second child. It was terrible. But thankfully it stopped in the second trimester. Let's hope Tessa doesn't have to deal with it until birth."

Alec nods, but his eyes aren't focused on Magnus' face anymore. His gaze falls on Magnus' hand. _Of course._ The most beautiful man he has ever laid eyes on is married. What else? And of course, he is straight. Eyeliner and flamboyant clothes don't say anything anymore. _Great._ Not that he finds him attractive or anything.

Alec sighs in defeat and looks impatiently at his watch.

"Are you new here? I don't think we ever met before," Magnus asks. 

There is only one thing Alec hates more than small talk and that's small talk with a very attractive man who is out of reach.

Maybe Izzy is right. He should just hit the scene. But he hates clubs and he isn't looking for a one night stand. He just wants to meet someone nice at work or on the subway. Maybe in a romantic, fateful way that they can later tell their grandchildren about.

Even if his body image disturbance still bothers him from time to time, Alec knows he's attractive in the eyes of most people. He might be a little grumpy sometimes, but he isn't a mean person. He really doesn't know why no-one is interested in dating him. Does something about him scream 'virgin'? Or is Jace right? Is he really that unapproachable?

"No," Alec answers brusquely. "I usually don't teach freshmen or language courses. I'm just subbing." 

Magnus wants to find out more about the hopefully soon not-stranger, but it's finally their turn to enter the office. Magnus learns that he is meant to be in 3.27. He collects his students and shoos them out of the door of Alec's lecture hall.

Magnus looks at his colleague for a last time before he closes the door. And if he's thinking about dark hair, light skin, and sparkling eyes on his way home, nobody needs to know, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The French translates roughly to
> 
> "Good morning everyone. May I introduce myself: My name is Magnus Bane and my pronouns are he/him ..."
> 
> and
> 
> "Welcome, Mr Bane. I think you mixed up the room. This is module German 2."


	4. Chapter 4

"You're changed," Catarina says matter-of-factly, chuckling at Magnus' dumbfounded face. "I heard you singing when you climbed up the stairs. Tell me, who put the Jonas Brothers in your ear?"

Cat sees a blush crawling up Magnus' neck and her eyes grow wide. She had meant it as a joke. "No!" she nearly shouts in excitement. 

"What?" Magnus asks, going for nonchalantly, but failing miserably. His oldest friend, of course, looks right through him.

Cat crosses her arms before her chest and orders, "Spill! Who? How? I want details!"

Magnus rolls his eyes dramatically and checks if the kids are out of earshot.

"His name is Alec, he is a colleague from the German department. We met 'cause they assigned the same room to us by mistake. He is tall, dark-haired, fair-skinned, and handsome. You should see him when he frowns. Adorable! His voice is so low and warm, and his smile, like a charming schoolboy. I don't know what it is about him, but he has that certain je ne sais quoi."

Catarina's face lights up. It's been quite some time since Magnus had someone at his side. Since Camille left he dated a few women and men, but only one of them passed the checks and ever met the boys. After the last failed attempt at a relationship, Magnus had sworn off dating. Seeing him like this, all beaming and bubbly warms Catarina's heart.

"So, did you ask him out?" she inquires. 

"No, God, we just met. I'm not even sure if he is interested. First I thought yes, but then he seemed to avoid my gaze."

"Maybe he's just shy," Catarina guesses and shrugs her shoulders.

"You might be right." Magnus trails off into a daydream.

Cat snickers. "Oh, you're so gone already. I haven't seen you this whipped since ..." Her smile falters a little. She clears her sudden desert-dry throat. "Just watch out for your heart, Magnus. You always give it too freely."

Magnus smiles at her faintly. "I learnt my lesson, Cat. You of all people should know that."

"Yes, but after breaking up with, what was her name?"

"Her name was Emma, and she was lovely."

"Yes, she was," Cat agrees, "Just not with your kids."

"You can't say that. It's easy to talk down from a high horse when you never had to deal with a child's tantrum in your life. I had my own opinions about childcare before I became a father, you sure did too before you had Madzie. I can't expect someone to date a family or to be a co-parent for my kids who shares my values. We had a good time together. It was just not meant to be."

Catarina hums thoughtfully. She knows Magnus. He _had_ hoped for more and most likely cried himself to sleep for quite some time after the split up. He longs for someone to share his life with, someone who wants to help him raise the boys, maybe even to have more children with.

Cat liked Emma, Imasu, and Jayden. They all had dated Magnus long enough to meet her, his best friend, but Emma was the only one who ever reached the point of getting to know the kids. It was a disaster. She lectured Magnus about everything he was doing wrong from her point of view. Her educational methods were way different from how Magnus had decided to raise the kids, more authoritative and less focused on a good parent-child relationship. He liked her as a partner. She was beautiful and smart, but he couldn't envision her as a stepmother as soon as he saw her interacting with the boys. With a heavy heart, he let her go.

Catarina knows that Magnus goes out and picks someone up every time she takes the boys overnight. She doesn't judge him for it. He has urges and his private life is quasi non-existent. He deserves to feel wanted, to be satisfied. Cat just fears that it could turn his heart cold over time. Sex is great, but it doesn't touch your soul unless the other person is special. There may be people out there who can separate love and lust, but Magnus isn't one of them. She sees it in his eyes, every time he picks up the boys afterwards.

"All I want is for you to be happy, Magnus. Just, maybe don't rush it this time. You're always wearing your heart on your sleeve. Perhaps it would be better to take it slow, not jump into bed with this Alec straight away. Get to know him, learn what he thinks about having and raising kids before going out with him," she suggests. 

Magnus knows that she is right. He always goes full in and then he lands hard on the unyielding ground of reality. He doesn't want that anymore, doesn't want to hurt silently after a breakup because he can't mourn a relationship in front of his children when they haven't even been aware of him being with someone. In comparison, one-offs are easier to handle, just sex and no attachment. It's better than nothing. At least that's what he tells himself.

But he wouldn't do that with Alec anyway. He's a colleague and that excludes him from becoming a fling. Magnus isn't stupid. He knows how fast your reputation can melt into thin air if rumour has it that you're sleeping around.

But he wants to get to know Alec better. He seemed nice, is obviously well educated, and most likely not married. At least there was no ring on his left hand and Magnus just knows that he took a look at his rear when he opened the door and followed him through it.

Magnus feels giddy. Cat is right. He hasn't been like this with any potential partner he had since Camille.

"You're right," he agrees. "But how do you make new friends? Everyone I am close with I do know at least since college. Are there rules?"

Cat snickers. "Just talk to him, find mutual interests, have lunch together. You can do with a friend everything you do with someone you're dating, just skip the romantic and sexual stuff. It's really not that difficult."

Magnus huffs. "And what if he wants more, earlier?"

Cat looks at him with this warm, sisterly smile that always soothes him whenever he is spiralling.

"Then you either take the step because it feels right or you explain why this isn't happening at that point or ever. Don't worry so much. Have fun, get to know him. If he is nice, bring the kids on a date. If he's not a children person you just spend - I don't know - an afternoon in the park with your kids and a friend from work. It won't harm them and you know where you stand with him. Easy as pie."

Magnus chuckles. "Pie sounds good," he grins, well knowing that Cat has one on the counter in her kitchen.

Catarina raises an eyebrow. "You're a menace."

"Just for your hips, my dear."


	5. Chapter 5

Alec curses quietly. The damn beamer just doesn't connect to his laptop. If he can't manage to make it work, he will have to write it all by hand on the blackboard. That would suck as he managed to hurt his wrist while sparring with Jace the day before.

A soft chuckle reaches his ears and he turns around just to see Magnus standing in the doorway. "Technical problems?" he asks with a warm smile that makes Alec’s heart miss a beat or two. How can one man look so devastatingly beautiful?

"Yeah, it doesn't connect with my Bluetooth," Alec answers, running a hand through his already unruly hair.

Magnus forces himself to look away from him. Mental pictures of Alec waking up with sex hair like that aren't helpful in any capacity. He wants to befriend the other man, nothing more, at least for now.

"That's because it doesn't have Bluetooth. We up here aren't as fortunate as you. The beamers haven't been updated in years. You need a LAN cable for that."

Alec looks at him in shock. "You're kidding!"

Magnus chuckles. "Welcome to the rank and file where you're lucky when you have a beamer at all." He rummages through his bag that is filled to the brim as usual. Don't let one say Magnus Bane isn't prepared for everything. "Here, take mine."

Alec looks at him as if he were a lifesaver. "Oh, thank God. My hand would have killed me."

Magnus looks down at Alec's bandaged hand. "What happened?" he asks sympathetically.

"I sparred with my brother yesterday and he got the better of me. I fell in a rather embarrassing way. It's not swollen anymore, but it still hurts like a bitch." Alec's eyes grow wide. "Excuse my French. My brother is rubbing off on me."

Magnus laughs, his voice light and airy, so different to the way he just talked a few seconds ago. The sound should be illegal. It does things to Alec's stomach. _Stop it! The man is happily married,_ he scolds himself.

"Don't you worry, you should have known me before I had kids. I swore like a sailor," Magnus chuckles. "I still do sometimes and I think it's important to have words to express what someone is feeling. 'Fudge!' just isn't enough sometimes. That's what I teach my boys. It's okay to use strong language as long as you know when and where it is appropriate."

Alec nods. "I agree. I was raised the opposite way and that made me even more repressed than I already was. I wish I would have sworn before I came of age," Alec chuckles, "My siblings never had this problem. But they didn't need to be the perfect firstborn. They could take liberties with our parents that I couldn't dream of."

He trails off. Is Magnus generally a people opener or is it just him? He feels like he could dump his whole ugly life experience in front of him and Magnus would react just like he does now, kindly with a warm, knowing smile.

 _What the fuck?!_ Usually Alec keeps everything close to his chest, doesn't share personal stuff with colleagues. He isn't even out at work. But there is something about the other man that makes him want to break his own rules. 

It's stupid. Or maybe not? He could need a friend, someone for whom he isn't the broken son, the ex-anorectic brother, or the slightly rigid professor. Someone, he can just be Alec with who sees him without all the baggage. That would be nice, wouldn't it?

"Parental expectations suck. Not that I would know," Magnus says and a flash of pain rushes over his face. Alec wants to ask why, but his first students enter the room.

The two men share gentle smiles. Alec raises his uninjured hand that is holding the cable. "Thanks for saving me. Can I pay you back for it? Maybe a coffee at the mensa?"

Magnus grins. "It's a date," he answers reflexively. The moment of shock in Alec's eyes makes a blush work it's way up Magnus' neck and cheeks. It's just a coffee in a dull canteen. No, he must have misread Alec's reaction. He would know if someone would really want to date him. Alec must have been on plenty of dates. He may even have a boyfriend for all Magnus knows.

Magnus stops himself from overthinking. "You know where to find me," he says and turns to leave.

Alec stands there, dumbfounded. It's just a figure of speech. He knows that. And if Magnus should try anything, ... Well, he for sure won't help break someone's heart. He has seen what an affair can do to a person. His strict and harsh mother acted like a kicked puppy. She was heartbroken. He could never do that to anybody. And he hopes that Magnus isn't a cheating bastard like Robert. He couldn’t be friends with someone who treats their spouse with such disrespect.

* * *

It's with a nervous feeling that Alec calls attention to himself knocking at the door of Magnus' lecture room after the course is over. 

Magnus raises his look from the paper he was reading and his face lights up immediately. Alec's throat is suddenly very dry. He really needs to get over this crush. What is he? 14?

"Ready?" he presses out, his voice sounding foreign to his ears.

"Give me a second."

"Sure," Alec replies and leans against the doorframe. The room is dull as most lecture halls are, but Magnus is a sight for sore eyes. Alec allows himself to study his features as Magnus is absorbed in whatever he is doing.

Something squeezes Alec's heart. He barely knows the other man. And usually, he isn't one to gape on men, but Magnus? Alec just can't take his eyes off of him. Maybe he should call the whole thing off. It's a dangerous path. If he can't keep his feelings in check, this will end badly.

"Alec?" Magnus' voice cuts through his musing. Alec wasn't even aware that Magnus walked over to him, his bag hanging on his shoulder.

"Yeah. Sorry. Sometimes I end up in my head," he says frowning. Good self-advertisement works differently.

But Magnus just smiles at him again and Alec pushes the rising butterflies down to the pit of his stomach.

"Shall we go?" Magnus asks and Alec simply nods. How is he meant to survive this without making a fool of himself?


	6. Chapter 6

Magnus eyes Alec over the rim of his mug. The other man looks nervous, his Bambi eyes fixed on Magnus' hands. It's not the first time Magnus catches him staring at them. He grins inwardly and is happy that he found the time to put on new nail polish and is wearing his favourite rings.

"So, what is your usual focus if you're not babysitting the newbies?" Magnus asks, hoping that Alec would open up talking about work.

Alec clears his throat. "I lecture German literature from the classical period to the New Objectivity, so everything from Goethe to Brecht, if the names ring a bell."

"Of course. Brecht is The Threepenny Opera guy, right? And Gounod's Faust is one of my favourite operas so reading Goethe was a must," Magnus smiles.

"You like musical theatre?" Alec asks.

Magnus hums. "It's a guilty pleasure and a lifesaver. My firstborn was a 24 hours baby, needed a lot of bodily contact and movement to calm down. He cried _a lot_ and I took him into a sling, walked with him for hours, listening to Mozart, Lloyd-Webber, Gershwin, all that jazz. I think I would have gone crazy without it."

"That sounds really rough," Alec says sympathetically. 

"Yes, it was. Luckily his brother turned out to be an easy baby. I don't think I would have survived that another time."

Alec takes a sip of his coffee. "Must be difficult to have a baby and to go to work every morning. But at least you had your wife to share the burden."

Magnus chuckles. "No, it was just me. Camille is not a very motherly type, you know. We decided early on that it was better for me to take on the care work and reduce hours. That way we both could do what we loved most."

Alec furrows his brow. The way Magnus talks about his wife sounds odd, but Alec doesn't know him well enough to find the right questions to probe further. Maybe this Camille has other qualities. Not everyone is happy at home, changing nappies and feeding the kids. That doesn't make her a bad person, just an honest one.

Alec sees himself as a modern man. He supported his sister’s career and his brother's wife from the day the twins were born so that Clary could give her art lessons when Jace had to work too. He doesn't expect a woman to stay home with the kids, but some conventions are hard to shake off when you grew up in a different, more traditional way.

Why does it bother him that Magnus' wife seems to be out of the picture when it comes to childcare anyway? He doesn't know her or even Magnus for that matter. Who knows what their backstory is. Alec knows how different lives can look behind the picture-perfect facade that so many people are painting. It's been his own experience after all. All shiny and great on the outside, messy and dark inside.

"How old are your kids?" he asks, trying to quiet his inner musing, and Magnus' eyes light up at the question. 

"Rafael is eight and Max is six."

Magnus watches how Alec's countenance falters. But the other man schools his features immediately.

"Did I say something wrong?" Magnus asks a little confused. Talking with Alec is really a roller coaster ride.

Alec shakes his head. "No, just ... these are beautiful names." He forces his lips to smile and Magnus hesitates but decides to not pressure Alec. It's not his place to ask further, so he continues.

"Do you have children?"

"Umm, no. Didn't have the time ... or partner for that," Alec stammers and blushes. He fidgets with the hem of his shirt. He needs a change of topic. "What ... what is your specialisation?"

Magnus is confused by the sudden change of topic for a moment. "I ... My dissertation was about gender roles in French Literature from medieval times to the French revolution. But I never lectured in those. It's not easy to get on the career ladder when you can only work in the mornings. I was lucky to get this job. It's secure and family-friendly, but not a place to thrive research-wise. But it's okay for now."

Alec believes him. He asked around a little, inconspicuously of course, and everyone told him about Magnus' kindness and encouraging attitude. He is loved by students and colleagues alike, but he is also a very private person.

Alec can't shake his curiosity. He shouldn't dig. It's really of no use, but he likes Magnus and a potential friend is allowed to ask someone about his life, right?

"Camille, is she working here?"

Magnus frowns in response, but answers anyway. "No, she's at Brown University."

Alec is taken aback. That's a four-hour one-way drive on a good day. He has a dozen questions on his tongue, but none of them would be appropriate to ask so he stays on the professional path and says, "That's very impressive."

Magnus hums and plays with the ring on his wedding finger. It looks like a family ring. Unusual for a wedding band, but Magnus' style is all but ordinary.

Alec's gaze travels back to Magnus' face. His countenance is unreadable. Alec feels as if he stirred up a hornets' nest and made Magnus pull up the drawbridge. _Great._

"Do you have pictures of your boys?" he asks, hoping that Magnus is like Raj and all the other parents in his orbit who love to show off their little tykes. And Magnus is indeed.

He pulls out his phone and shows him his latest snapshots. Alec sees Magnus and the boys in various places, smiling and in high spirits. The only woman Alec detects he rules out as Magnus' wife. The kids are too fair-skinned for her to be their mother as they are sharing their father's bronze skin tone.

Who is this mystery wife? She must be brilliant if she teaches in Providence. Magnus' marriage seems to be very progressive if he decided to step back and to work part-time to care for the kids. But he wrote about gender roles in his dissertation. He's surely open to non-traditional life designs. Supporting his wife in her career is just a logical consequence.

"They look so much like you," Alec blurts out, not knowing what to say. He has a weird feeling in his stomach. Is it jealousy? Why should he be jealous? Magnus may have a beautiful family, but it's obvious that he carries most of the parental burden. He seems to function as a single parent. It's surely difficult and tiring sometimes.

"Rafe has his mother's temper, but yes, they come more after me," Magnus answers and puts his phone away. "They are good boys and the best thing that ever happened to me."

Alec smiles at him. He likes Magnus, the way his face lights up and his voice turns soft when he's talking about his children. He really, really likes him. _Damn it!_


	7. Chapter 7

Alec looks up at the morning sky. It is dusted in pink and blue dabbed with little cotton-wool clouds, looking soft as a baby blanket. He smiles. It's rare that he is up this early to enjoy this special kind of shade.

He enters the little coffee shop and orders their usual. Right when he wants to sit down at one of their favourite tables he sees Izzy coming in, scanning the room with her eyes that light up as soon as she sees him.

She pulls him into a tight hug and cradles his cheek, assessing him as usual. He squirms under her gaze, a hot blush burning where her thumb softly caresses his freshly shaved skin.

"You're looking good, hermano," she says with a smile playing on her lips.

Alec knows what she is alluding to. "Let's keep it that way. I'm starving," he says and points down at the spread of bagels, pastries, a sweet coffee concoction for Izzy, and black coffee for him.

She giggles in a soft way that reminds Alec of bells at Christmas time. Izzy has been his anchor, his strength, the reason to keep on fighting. They may just look like two siblings having breakfast together, but this meeting is so much more under the surface. It's checking in on Alec's progress and the reassurance that they will keep their childhood promise to always take care of one another.

Granted, Izzy taking care of Alec is more of a recent development. Alec always protected her, Jace, and Max from their parents' wrath, took hits for them (metaphorical and real ones), and supported them whenever they needed it. He paved the way for them and it was only in his mid-twenties when the tables turned and he got so low that he had to accept their help or die. Literally.

He'll never forget Izzy's look when she burst into his little flat that fateful day, her assessing eyes on display for the very first time, the fear he saw there, the pain.

Alec pushes away the memory and tries to focus on his sister. She looks at him in delight, slurping the hot, sweet beverage carefully while she watches him taking the first bite of a bagel he still could estimate the calories of. He could, but he doesn't. He hasn't for a while now.

"So, what's new?" she asks as if his world might have changed dramatically since the week before.

Alec tells her about the summer course, the room mix-up, the boredom that fills him teaching pluperfect. He tells her about the French colleague he met and that he plans to take the twins to a playground Magnus said was his boys' favourite.

Izzy listens intensely, her eyes fixed on Alec's mouth. It's a little unnerving. Why is she doing that?

"What?" he asks slightly annoyed and Izzy's soft smile morphs into a wide grin.

"Ah, nothing," she chuckles. Alec rolls his eyes and raises an eyebrow in a silent question. "Just haven't seen you so happy in a long time," Izzy adds. "You look and sound like when you first told me about Joey, that's all."

Alec stares at her blankly. Joey, his boyfriend from what? Six years ago? The one who ...

"I don't know what you're talking about," he says dismissively and cleans his lips with a paper napkin. He takes a big gulp of coffee.

"Oh, come on, man. You're practically beaming. This Magnus must be very special."

Alec answers with a groan. His sister is insufferable. "He's married, with children. Don't you listen?"

It's not as if he hasn't brooded over it ever since the day he met the other man and every time he passes his lecture hall. It's not as if he reminded himself every time his mind slips up and pictures Magnus at his side. He is forbidden fruit. Them never being anything more than friends is beyond dispute. He'll get over his crush. It's just because he's lonely and Magnus is the only man who seemed to like him. It's because Magnus is smart and funny, beautiful and ...

"You forgot to mention the husband detail, brother," Izzy snaps.

"Wife. He has a wife. A beautiful, smart, successful wife," Alec says, working his jaws. Yes, he may have googled her. Sue him!

"Oh. I'm sorry, Alec. That sucks!" Alec shrugs his shoulders as if it wouldn't bother him, but Izzy knows him better. "You really like him, don't you?" she asks sympathetically.

"What difference does it make? We can still become friends." But of course, it matters. A lot. _Damn it!_

Izzy looks at him with sad eyes. For a moment she had felt hope. Ever since Joey, Alec hasn't even tried dating. She still feels the urge to hit that guy who broke her brother's heart. Alec never really talked about why his first boyfriend broke up with him, but she has her suspicions. She knows how guarded her brother is, how long he needs to trust someone fully with his soul and body. God, it took Jace a whole long year until Alec allowed his adoptive brother to hug him. The thought that Alec might have never been intimate with anyone breaks her heart.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I don't want you to get hurt."

Alec chuckles pained. "You're the one who says I need to make friends. He might be the only shot I got."

Izzy rolls her eyes and more than any other feature or habit it shows that they are siblings. "That's nonsense. Just get a hobby, meet people who share your interests, join a book club for heaven's sake. Alec, there are people out there willing to be your friends without you pining after them."

"I'm not pining," Alec pouts.

"If you say so," she says, giving him _the look_ , the one that says _Don't kid yourself_ and yes, maybe she's right. He should just forget this guy. It can't be that difficult, right?


	8. Chapter 8

Of course, it is difficult. Alec manages to walk past Magnus' open door every day without looking inside. What he doesn't master is to not think about him. There is just something about that man. The way he softly smiled when Alec had opened up in the cafeteria, the way he had watched him appreciatively whenever he thought Alec wasn't looking. If Alec didn't know better he would say that Magnus openly flirted with him when he complimented his bow tie.

The suspicion that this was indeed the case just grows when a few days later a gentle knock on his office door pulls Alec out of his reading. 

"Come in!" he calls, not raising his eyes from the essay he's just reading. He holds up his forefinger to indicate that he's just finishing the paragraph. He hears fabric rustling near the threshold and sounds from the corridor, but nothing more.

When he finally can tear his eyes from the text he forgets to breathe for a long, slightly embarrassing moment. "M...Magnus," he stammers.

"Hey," the other man says, a wide smile adorning his face.

"Hey," Alec replies eloquently. He swears he knows more words, better ones too. But he forgets them all looking at the gorgeous man leaning in his doorway.

Magnus enters and closes the door as a group of loud talking students pass by. "Interesting read?" he asks.

Alec looks down at the paper before him, the one he almost forgot he was just reading. "Yeah ... it's by a colleague. She asked me to proofread it. It's an essay about female and ..." Alec swallows, forgetting the full title.

"And queer platonic relationships in literature?" Magnus asks and Alec nods in surprise. "I'm writing mine right now from a francophone perspective," Magnus explains.

Alec collects himself. Work. They can talk about work. It's a safe topic. "I thought you don't do publications."

Magnus raises both eyebrows and sighs softly. "Usually, I don't. My former doctorate supervisor pushed it on me. He's very determined to get me back on the career ladder now that Max is starting school."

Alec acknowledges the info with a nod. What is he even meant to say? This is why he has no friends. He's socially awkward and the man now sitting in front of him is the pure opposite.

Alec can imagine Magnus at parties, fundraisers, the whole shebang. If he ever makes it to the top, the language and literature department for sure won't have financial problems any longer.

"I'm looking forward to reading it," Alec states and is surprised that he actually means it. He is curious about how the other man's mind works.

Magnus chuckles softly. "I'm not sure if it will be a fun read. I'm a bit rusty and my second major makes it surprisingly difficult to write. I mean, it's for a language/literature audience. I can't use gender study geek-speak."

"You have a double major?" Alec asks and Magnus hums in response. "What made you choose it?"

"I thought it would help me figuring myself out," Magnus says. "I was a confused young man. Coming from a strictly religious foster family it wasn't easy to accept my bisexuality. I thought if I took some queer theory courses, I might understand more. And then the whole thing pulled me in and I decided to take other lectures too. It just made sense to double major at some point."

Alec nods in understanding and scolds himself inwardly. His gaydar wasn't off with Magnus, his narrowmindedness was showing. He should know better than to assume anyone's sexual preferences because of who they are married to. Knowing that Magnus actually likes men romantically isn't helping though. Silence stretches between them. Alec is surprised that it doesn't feel uncomfortable.

"Why did you come?" he asks, realising that he has no idea why Magnus is even at his office.

"You still have my LAN cable and I need it for my next lecture."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I totally forgot."

Magnus chuckles and makes a dismissive gesture. "No problem. It was a welcome excuse to see you again."

Alec nearly chokes on his own saliva. Why would Magnus want to see him again? And why is he biting his lower lip so nervously?

"I was wondering ...," Magnus starts. Alec looks at him breathlessly, his heartbeat speeding up. "... if you were interested in ... you maybe know it already ... sorry, that was probably a stupid idea." 

Magnus lets out a nervous chuckle. He knows that going to the cinema is something friends do. But he just realised that this isn't a label he can put on whatever it is between him and Alec. They hardly know each other.

"What?" he hears Alec breathe out and the strange sound of his voice makes Magnus' eyes shoot up to meet Alec's. He looks at him. What is that in his eyes? Hope or just confusion? Magnus files the first interpretation away as wishful thinking.

He clears his throat. "I know a nice little cinema that puts classic's back on the big screen. I read that they show 'The blue angel' with Marlene Dietrich in the original version with subtitles. It's based on a book by Heinrich Mann, 'Professor un-rat'?" Magnus pronounces the words in an English way.

Alec laughs out loud, but not in a mean way. "It's 'Unrat' which means unclean. It's a black and white movie, right? From the 1930s?"

"Yes," Magnus murmurs. What made him think that anybody would like to watch a 90 year old movie? He just wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

Alec on the other hand feels a lot of contradicting emotions battling in his chest. Is Magnus asking him out? But he is married. Did he search for his dissertation about literary naturalism where he quoted some of Mann's work? Did he read it?

Alec blushes at the mere thought that Magnus might have checked him out on more than a physical level. What if he is interested in him sexually? Alec spirals more and more.

"Alexander?" Magnus' soft voice cuts through the mental fog. Alec hasn't heard his full name in years, not since the last time he got a scolding from his parents. It should feel wrong rolling off Magnus' tongue, but it doesn't. He wants to hear it a million times more.

"I'm sorry that I asked. I just thought it would be fun for once to watch such a niche movie not on my own, but if you're not interested it's okay."

"No," Alec presses out. Magnus' face falters and he nods in understanding. He rises from his chair. "No, I meant, I've never seen it. I'd love to watch it with you."

Okay, that surely came out wrong because Magnus' whole face lights up and he beams at him. Does he think it's a date? _Shit!_

"The film is around two hours long. Thursday they have a screening at 2, 4.30, and 7 pm. Would any of that work for you?"

Alec breathes out in relief. An afternoon date? That doesn't scream 'romantic'. It's really just two colleagues watching a movie together. He can do that.

"2 pm would be great. I babysit my brother's kids in the evening."

If Magnus were a dog, he would cock his ears. Alec is good with kids? Magnus suppresses a nervous giggle that threatens to climb up his throat. _Slow down your horses, Bane. What are you? A teenage girl? Jesus!_

He swallows the laugh and says "Great" instead. He beams at Alec. "We should exchange numbers so I can send you the address."


	9. Chapter 9

Magnus shouldn't be nervous. It's not a date date. It's just two men watching a movie together.

But who is he kidding? Every little puzzle piece of Alec that he discovers nestles somewhere in his soul where an aching emptiness lingered for years now.

It's Alec's unguarded, yet shy smile when they meet in front of the cinema, the way he chuckles when they realise they both hate popcorn but are addicted to peanut m&ms. It's how he talks about Mann's writing and the time he travelled through Germany by train just to visit Mann's hometown Lübeck. It's the softness in his eyes when he confesses that he always prefered his brother Thomas Mann's writing, but his thesis adviser hated him with all her might and picked Alec's first thesis topic to pieces. It's how he raves about his brother's 7-year-old twins and the love that seeps through every word he says about his family.

Being with Alec is easy. It's strangely familiar and Magnus would lie if he said he didn’t rejoice in not hearing anything that points to a significant other. He's too afraid to ask, though. He doesn't want to burst this bubble of hope. He decides to enjoy the time. That's what he's here for after all.

Alec on the other hand bubbles on and on, contrary to his usual reserved self. Maybe it's because his adult contacts outside of work are rather negligible and talking with someone who can relate to being obsessed with a certain author just opens him up. Maybe it's his nervousness, his worry that silence could fall between them. Maybe it's the way Magnus truly listens, how he asks sensible questions, and is respectful of his privacy through and through.

They laugh at the way the story is told, the way the movie is so clearly a child of its time. They talk about the undying beauty of Hollaender's music and Magnus' love for variety theatre. They talk and talk, they laugh until they cry. It's good that they are the only people in the cinema hall. It's like watching a movie with friends, at home, on the sofa, everyone giving a running comment.

It's so damn perfect that saying goodbye afterwards is difficult, though none of them would confess it. And so they stand in front of the cinema in the hot afternoon sun and their conversation simmers down until they are standing there awkwardly in silence.

"I should ...," Alec trails off pointing his hand to the next subway station. 

"Yes, of course. This was fun. Maybe we can do this again?" Hope laces Magnus' words. He worries that he gave away the turmoil of feelings inside his chest.

Alec chuckles nervously. "Yeah. That would be nice." Magnus' answering smile punches all air out of Alec's lungs.

They shake hands, both willing themself to let go quickly. Alec turns and walks away. Magnus watches him until he disappears. Butterflies swarm through his belly. _I'm so screwed_ , he thinks and finally lets out the giggle he was holding back since the previous day.

Alec takes a deep breath when he finally reaches the platform. Why did he say it would be nice to meet again? What was he thinking? He can't do this! He knows he is slowly falling for Magnus.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of him the whole time. The way he smiled, how his voice vibrated through him whenever Magnus laughed. His wit and literacy. His humour and intelligence. The warmth in his eyes when he talked about his boys and friends. He calms Alec's nerves in a way no-one did before and it feels like they've known each other forever. 

Alec knows that friendship is off the table now. He can't stop himself from thinking about the other man in terms of romantic interest. And as much as he wants - oh, God, he wants him so badly - he knows this will never happen. He is not that kind of man.

Whatever it takes, Magnus won't be a part of his life. He can't be.

* * *

When he arrives at the Herondale flat, Clary opens the door. "Hey, how was your date?" she asks grinning.

"Argh, Izzy, the old chatterbox," Alec groans. "It wasn't a date. I just met a colleague."

"You went to the cinema," she interjects. "Sounds like a date to me."

"Just leave it be, Ginger," Alec presses out in a voice much harsher than he intended. Clary's face falls. _Shit._

Before he can apologise his sister-in-law says, "It's okay to have feelings for another man, Alec."

Alec looks down at his shoes and runs his hand over the back of his head. "Not when he is in a relationship, not when he is married. Clary, I'm so fucked."

It takes just one look into his teary eyes and the petite redhead pulls him into a soul-crushing hug. He allows himself to let go. He knows it won't help to keep his feeling locked up inside. So he accepts her comfort and lets the tears fall.

When his eyes run dry he brushes the tears away from his pink cheeks. "Sorry, and thank you," he murmurs.

"I am always there for you, Alec. Don't apologise. Do you wanna talk about it?"

He shakes his head no but still asks. "Why do I always fall for the wrong guys?"

"Is this about Joey?" she asks softly. Alec stays silent. "Nothing about Joey was your fault. And falling for a married man? It happens. It's okay. It's how you act upon those feelings. That's what decides if you are a moral man or not. Don't be so hard on yourself." She brushes her hand soothingly over Alec's arm.

He nods. She's right. He can't beat himself up over feelings he has no control over. Hell, he should be happy that he is even capable of having those feelings again. Maybe it's a good sign. He's finally over his ex. He's ready to love again, to trust again. Just a week ago he wouldn't have believed this to be true.

He gives her a lopsided smile. "Where are the kids?" he asks.

"I parked them in front of 'Captain Underpants'," she giggles.

"How did my brother manage to marry such a wise woman?" he asks with a grin.

"He had a good wingman," Clary answers and gives him a wink.


	10. Chapter 10

Magnus doesn't know what he did wrong, but it feels like someone pushed a knife straight into his heart, and that someone is Alec.

He passes Magnus' lecture hall without looking inside, rushes by when he sees him in the corridor, and whenever he can't avoid him he answers brusquely and leaves as soon as possible.

_What the hell!?_

Magnus tells himself that he has no time for such a douchebag, but the thought only helps for so long. When he lies awake at night he can't help but wreak his brain about what he misread in every encounter they had. Their goodbye in front of the cinema had been positive, even filled with anticipation. Why is Alec so cold now? If he changed his mind about their developing friendship he could just say so.

It takes Magnus knocking his travel mug over that they finally talk again.

Usually Magnus doesn't frequent the canteen. It's too loud, the food not suitable for his diet, and the tea selection leaves much to be desired. But the a/c is too cold and he is actually freezing despite the heat boiling everyone outside. So he decides to fill up his mug and go straight back to his office to work on his essay.

When he returns from the tea bar, he catches sight of Alec walking in, a petite brunette at his side, her arm linked with his. He laughs at something she says and there is the knife again, this time attacking Magnus' stomach. It's not fair!

When Alec sees Magnus he stops in his tracks and stares at him. Well, isn't that awkward. 

The woman looks at Alec and then around the room until her eyes fix on Magnus. She leans into Alec and says something to which he nods.

They start moving again and pass by Magnus who's still standing there, rooted to the spot. The woman gives him a warm smile and Alec murmurs something that sounds like "Hi", but Magnus isn't sure. He grabs his mug tighter, shakes his head, and stalks out of the canteen, wondering if that's why Alec isn't talking to him anymore. He has a girlfriend and she doesn't approve of him being friends with an openly bi man or something. She looked nice though.

Who cares? Magnus most definitely not. He's so over this stupid man.

* * *

"What the hell was that!?" Izzy asks, giving her brother a stroke to the biceps.

Alec rubs his aching arm. "What?"

Izzy shakes her head in disappointment. "I know you said you needed distance from him, but he looked like a kicked puppy. What the hell have you told him?"

Alec's cheeks explode in crimson. "Nothing. I have barely talked to him."

Izzy slams her dinner tray on the table. "He's obviously hurt, Alec. Talk to him, explain yourself. He deserves to know."

"What am I meant to say? 'Hey, Magnus, I think you are the most beautiful, interesting man in the whole wide world and I have a huge crush on you, but you're married and I can't stand the thought of you falling asleep with your pretty wife in your arms'?"

"I'd leave out the last part, but yes. He deserves your honesty. And he'll understand."

Alec huffs. It's not that he doesn't think she's right. He feels ashamed about treating Magnus the way he does. But deep down Alec is a coward. He prefers to keep his feelings a secret. Feelings out in the open make you vulnerable. He can't be vulnerable at his workplace. It was hard enough to be open in the safety of his family. He hasn't even told Aline why he disappeared from the surface of the earth for six long months and she is his best friend since childhood.

 _Fuck it!_ He can't leave Magnus being in the dark. Izzy is right. He deserves an explanation. 

* * *

After his sister leaves, Alec walks into the wing where the Latinian language professors are situated. It takes some time to find the door labelled 'Santiago/Bane'. Of course, Magnus has a shared office. If he's lucky, the other prof isn't there.

Alec isn't lucky.

When he knocks, an unfamiliar voice tells him to enter and when he does, two pairs of unforgiving eyes are directed at him.

Magnus' face turns hard and the other man looks at Alec like an annoyed cat. "What do you want?" Magnus asks snappishly, his voice cold as ice. Alec swallows. He really messed this up.

"I came to apologise," Alec says and Magnus waits silently for him to continue. "For my behaviour. I was an asshole." He looks at Santiago and back to Magnus. "Can we talk? In private?"

Magnus huffs and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Raphael is my friend. There's nothing you could tell me that he can't hear."

For a split second, Alec wonders if the two men are so close that Magnus named his son after him. He pushes the unnecessary thought away and swallows hard. He can't confess his feelings for Magnus in front of a stranger. He would rather die.

"I ...," Alec takes a deep breath, "I was ... distracted and I have a lot on my plate right now. It was not fair to shut you out. I just ..."

Alec feels like crying. He wants to take the pain away that flickers through Magnus' eyes. Izzy was right. He is hurt and Alec put that look into his beautiful, kohl-lined eyes.

"I'm sorry that I ignored you. It's not you. I really enjoyed spending time with you. I'm just really ... busy."

It's as close as Alec can get to the truth and to get what he is meant to want - distance between the married man and himself. It's better this way, for everyone.

Magnus nods, but the muscles around his jaws are strung tight. "Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Good day, Alec."

Alec nods and leaves. He feels shitty, but it was the right thing to do.

Raphael looks at Magnus who is deflating in his chair as soon as the door falls shut.

"So, this was Alexander Lightwood?" Raphael asks with a raised eyebrow. "Charming," he says, his voice soaked with sarcasm.

"Shut up," Magnus replies without heat.

"I would if you had the same in the last two weeks. I thought there was something between you two."

"I thought so, too. But maybe I'm just bad at reading people."

Raphael huffs. "You had to learn early on to read people, Magnus. You're good at it. And it's as plain as the nose on your face that he likes you. I could see it."

Magnus shrugs his shoulders. "If that's true - and it's a big if - he's maybe not out or has a sexual identity crisis because he always thought he was straight. He's a grown man. If he can't deal with that without treating me badly, he's probably a poor candidate for someone like me. I can't expose my kids to someone who acts like that."

Raphael is silent for a long moment. "He came to apologise," he points out. 

He stops there and leaves his friend to his thoughts. He knows that Magnus has to figure it out on his own.


	11. Chapter 11

It's not much, but the slight shift in behaviour after their talk eases the tension between the two men.

Alec greets Magnus whenever they run into each other, they make small talk, act like colleagues should, even laugh together from time to time. None of them initiates a meeting outside of work, though.

Magnus accepts Alec's 'business' even though he knows it's a white lie. Alec told him at the cinema that he enjoyed having more spare time in the summer. Magnus doesn't call him out on it. He is happy to see Alec smile at him again. He dwells in the little things and tries hard not to hang his hopes too high.

Magnus may be able to minimise his Alec related thoughts by day, but he can't do anything about him wandering through his dreams. _What have you done to me?_ , he whispers after a very vivid dream of him, Alec, and the boys at the Niagara falls.

Maybe it's time to haul out the big guns. Before he can think it over he shoots Catarina a message, asking if she can take the boys overnight somewhen at the weekend. He needs to get Alec out of his system. What better way to do that than getting someone else into his bed?

He presses his face into the pillow until his alarm goes off. Just another day in the hamster wheel.

* * *

In the afternoon he picks up the boys who beg him to go to the playground around the corner. It's hot as hell and the thought of water fountains and ice-cream sounds rather compelling, so he gives in.

He sits down on the only bench that affords at least a little shade and pulls out his laptop. The essay is due on Monday. He proofreads it now and decides to go through the literature a last time when they are back home and the kids do their own homework. He really needs the weekend off.

"Is this seat taken?" a familiar voice comes from above, tearing Magnus' eyes from the screen.

"Alec," is all he manages in response. It's one thing to exchange pleasantries on the corridor, but meeting him here?

"You were right, this is a great playground," Alec says and sits down next to him, his eyes fixed on the monkey bars.

Magnus follows his gaze and sees two strawberry blonde kids, obviously siblings and the same age.

"You're here with your niece and nephew," Magnus states and Alec nods. Magnus swallows around the sudden lump in his throat.

"Didn't think I would run into you. You said you're on the home stretch with your essay."

Magnus motions to his laptop. "Multitasking is the first thing you learn when you're a parent."

Alec chuckles. "Yes, I remember." Magnus frowns at him. Alec sees his bewilderment and smiles sheepishly. "When the twins were little, I moved in with my brother and his wife for some time in exchange for childcare. I carried them a lot, one in a wrap on my front and one in a carrier on my back. In the end, I managed to cook whole meals like that without having to bathe them afterwards."

Magnus chuckles. Why does Alec have to be this perfect? _Damn it!_

"I did that, too. Though them being two years apart didn't make it necessary very often," Magnus says, watching his boys running through the spray of water. Something tightens in his chest. It would be wonderful to share this memory with someone else.

"Did Camille carry them, too?" Alec asks, scolding himself to even bring her up. Why is he hurting himself like that?

Magnus chuckles without mirth. "No. All that attachment parenting stuff was nonsense to her. I think it is too close. It frightens her. But I get it. She grew up very differently, has her own traumas. I don't hold it against her."

Alec studies Magnus' face. It is smothered with sadness. "I'm sure she tries her best," he tries to comfort him.

Magnus nods, but doesn't comment further.

A boy Alec recognises from the pictures Magnus' showed him the other day, runs to their bench, his soaked shorts and shirt showing a multitude of colours and patterns. Alec grins. The kid obviously chose his own clothes and Alec adores Magnus a tiny little more for that. When he was Rafael's age he had to wear pants, a shirt, and a waistcoat more often than not. Summer was torture in his school uniform.

"Can we have ice-cream now?" the boy asks out of breath and Magnus gives him a soft smile. "Daddy, please."

"Sure," Magnus says, "fetch your brother and get me a chocolate one, please." He hands him the money and with a "Thanks, Dad!" Rafael zooms off.

Alec chuckles and scans the playground for Stevie and Céline. He finds them on the seesaw. They wave to him, throwing their heads back in laughter. Alec laughs and waves back.

Magnus' boys return with the ice cream cones and their father motions them to sit down on the ground.

"Who are you?" Max asks.

"My name is Alec. I am a colleague of your father."

Raphael whispers something into Max's ear and the little boy grins. Alec has no time to decipher the scene as Céline and Stevie come running towards him.

"Can we have ice-cream? Pleeeeeease!" the girl begs.

Alec chuckles. "But only because you asked so nicely."

"Do you want one, too?" Stevie inquires, taking the money from Alec's outstretched hand. 

"Sure, vanilla, please."

Magnus raises an eyebrow and shakes his head in mock disbelief. "And there I thought you were perfect."

"What? Is that too vanilla for you?" Alec replies quickly like a shot. Magnus nearly chokes on his ice-cream, laughing out loud at the unexpected retort and Alec hopes that his already heat reddened face disguises the blush that shows his embarrassment. 

"Yes, that's exactly what I meant," Magnus chuckles. "Chocolate is supreme and hardcore."

The kids grin at the bantering adults and when the twins return from the ice cream stall, they start talking to the boys immediately. The two men watch them tenderly and finish their cones in silence.

All four children run back to the playground right after finishing their treats and Magnus can't help but think how great it would be to meet with Alec and the twins on a regular basis.

"How come that you look after them so often?" Magnus asks.

Alec smiles softly. "My brother has a fitness chain. He is rather busy as he has many part-time employees, a lot of them single parents. He has to sub quite frequently as you might imagine. My sister-in-law is an artist, but she also gives lessons. We have the agreement that I keep those time slots open in case Jace can't make it home."

"You're a good brother."

"Nah," Alec plays it down, "it's pure egoism. I'd miss the little tykes way too much."

Magnus is all smiles and unbidden butterflies swarm through his stomach. Why can't Alec feel the same about him?


	12. Chapter 12

"Please, Daddy. Céline loves spaghetti with hot dogs."

Magnus' eyes flicker to Alec who takes Rafael's begging with an amused grin.

"But I can't decide that, honey. Maybe they have other dinner plans."

"Pleeeeeease, uncle Alec," Céline pleads, making the most adorable puppy eyes.

"If it's okay with Magnus. My mac'n'cheese can wait until next time.

"Alec's mac'n'cheese are the best!" Stevie proclaims.

"We could have both!" Max chimes in.

"Something tells me, we're outnumbered, Alec," Magnus chuckles. "I think I have all the ingredients at home. What do you say about double comfort food tonight? My flat is right around the corner."

Alec chuckles. "Sounds great."

They collect their stuff and walk the short way to the Bane loft. The kids are blathering nonstop and the men follow them with matching grins on their faces.

It's when Magnus opens the door to his apartment that Alec's jaw drops open. He envisioned Magnus' place to be special, but the spacious loft takes his breath away.

"Wow, Magnus. How the hell do you afford this!?" As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Alec slaps a hand on his lips. "Sorry, that was inappropriate." A blush works its way up from Alec's neck to his cheeks.

"It's quite alright, Alec. You're not wrong. I inherited it. My father bought it shortly before his death."

"I'm so sorry, Magnus."

Magnus waves it off. "It's been a long time ago. I hardly remember him." Alec nods and doesn't probe further. "Would you like the big tour?" Magnus offers.

"Sure," Alec grins.

He takes in the beautiful study, wooden-clad, with ceiling-high bookshelves, and an impressive wooden desk. Next door is a children's room. Alec can't make out if it belongs to Rafael or Max. 

There is only one bed in the room. It is queen size and pushed against the wall. All four kids are lounging on the cover, reading a book together. Alec sees two pairs of pyjamas hanging over the edge.

Magnus follows his gaze. "They are sleeping together. Max has the same bed in his room. They change the room they sleep in ever so often."

Alec smiles. "The twins sleep together as well. Clary calls it a siblings' bed."

Magnus hums. "Who wants to sleep alone anyway? Most grown-ups don't. Why should children be any different?"

He presses away the thought of Alec in his own bed next door. _Shit!_ He didn't think it through when he offered to show him around.

When they are back in the hallway he gestures in the direction of his room. "The other bedrooms are roughly the same size, mine just has a walk-in wardrobe and an en suite," he says and turns to walk back to the living room.

Alec steals a glimpse through the opened door of the master bedroom anyway. He should have expected satin sheets, but he still winces inwardly. He shouldn't have looked inside. It's intimate and will only fuel his not always G-rated fantasies about the other man. He really needs to get a grip on his crush. He wants Magnus in his life and over time, his feelings will change to something more appropriate. He'll make sure of it.

Magnus leads him to the kitchen, where he pulls out the ingredients. "Do you need anything else?" He asks after putting pasta, grated cheese, butter, and milk on the worktop.

"Flour for the binding. And do you have breadcrumbs?"

"Oh, you make the gratinated version? I didn't have it that way in years."

The joy in Magnus' voice bubbles through Alec's chest. Magnus is always beautiful, but happy like this? He's otherworldly. Alec wants to bottle up the essence of this moment for lonely, rainy days.

They work around each other as if they never did anything else. They share cooking anecdotes, smiles, and easy banter. Alec can't remember ever being so at ease around someone he still barely knows.

While Magnus sets the table, he takes a look at the photo gallery next to the eating area in the open plan living space. There are many pictures of the boys, some of Magnus with them and friends. There is only one with Camille, seemingly taken in the hospital shortly after Max's birth. She smiles into the camera, holding her newborn in one arm and her first son in the other.

Alec quirks his lips. He wonders when he will meet her for the first time. Maybe it will be easier to let his feelings go when he sees Camille and Magnus together. He hopes the nausea at that thought will go away then, too.

After dinner they clean up together and it's strangely domestic. Their hands touch when Alec gives Magnus the wet cutlery to dry and the longer they do the dishes, the longer those touches linger. Alec knows he shouldn't enjoy this, but he can't help soaking in those innocent moments.

When they are finished, they walk out on the balcony with a glass of wine.

"I love the view," Alec says, leaning against the balustrade.

Magnus hums in agreement. 

"Does your home have a view?"

Alec snorts. "No, not really. It's on the third floor of six. All I can see from my french doors is the dumpster from the Chinese restaurant next door. But I don't mind. It's the first apartment I ever lived in on my own and I love the neighbourhood."

Magnus nods in understanding. Alec wonders if Magnus ever had to live in a shoebox apartment. The answer comes straight away as if Magnus could read his mind.

"I came here the day I turned 18. I had a mattress on the floor and all my belongings fit into a duffle bag," Magnus says.

"You've come far," Alec acknowledges and Magnus looks at him in an indecipherable way. There are sadness and pain in the mixture, but also longing and ...

Alec needs to look away. It's too intense. It's not a look you should share with someone you met just two weeks ago. It's too intimate, too vulnerable. It's all Alec wants to look at, to understand, to caress away. But that's not his to have.

Magnus sighs. He places a hand on Alec's shoulder. It feels warm and steady and turns Alec's insides into a warm puddle of goo. Alec takes a deep breath to steady himself, but the next words out of Magnus' mouth punch all the air out of his lungs again.

"Don't you think we should address the elephant in the room?"


	13. Chapter 13

Alec feels like drowning. This can't be true! He clenches his hands around the stone of the balustrade.

The soft grip of Magnus' hand on his shoulder grows stronger as if he wants to comfort him. For what? The rejection? Alec doesn't need his pity. He shakes Magnus' hand off.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he presses out, his voice betraying the words instantly.

Magnus sighs and moves the rejected hand to his wine glass where it joins the other, holding on to it tightly. He's frowning at Alec. As much as he doubted his prior suspicions, after this afternoon, Magnus is convinced that Alec has a crush on him. His shy blushing whenever Magnus complimented him or alluded to something sexual, the slight shiver whenever their fingers touched - Magnus didn't just imagine that.

"I know you feel what I feel, Alec," Magnus says softly.

It's suddenly hard to breathe. _What I feel._ No! It's bad enough to slowly fall in love with a married man, but him returning the feeling? _Fuck!_

"I don't know what you're talking about," Alec repeats stubbornly. He can't look at Magnus. God, he can't stay here any longer. He needs to leave before anything happens that both of them will regret.

"I gotta go," Alec says, his voice trembling. He turns and moves to the french doors leading to the living room.

Magnus grabs his arm. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, Alec." His voice is nearly pleading and the touch of his hand burns on Alec's skin.

Alec turns around, his face a mask of anger. "Really? Allowing myself to have feelings for you? Don't you think that's morally at least questionable?"

Magnus opens his mouth and closes it again, trying to find the right words to cut through the self-hate so clearly visible in Alec's posture.

"It's okay to be gay or bi or pan or whatever it is you might label yourself. There is nothing wrong with non-platonic feelings between two men."

Alec's mouth falls open, he gasps for air. "You think that's the problem? I'm out since my 23rd birthday!"

Now it's Magnus' turn to look at him with his mouth agape. Alec runs his hand through his hair. "I really wouldn't have thought you to be a cheater, Magnus. I don't surround myself with liars."

Magnus' grip on Alec's arm tightens. "What the hell are you talking about!?" he demands to know.

Alec scoffs at him. "Does the name Camille ring any bell?"

Magnus looks at him for a very long, confused moment. "Yes, but what does my ex-wife have to do with us? Did she try something? I'm so sorry, Alec. She can be a real piece of work sometimes. But whatever she said to you, I promise, it wasn't the truth. She just can't stand me being with someone else, even though she was the one who left me."

Alec stares at him, trying to process the new information. "Camille is your ex?"

"Yes, I thought ..."

Whatever Magnus was going to say is muffled by Alec's lips crashing on his. Magnus' brain short-circuits, but Alec's mouth quickly pulls him back into the moment.

They kiss, oh, and what a kiss it is. Like rain after a megadrought, like waves crashing against the surf. It's too much tongue and teeth and way too wet, but none of them cares. It's perfect. The world shrinks to the contact of their lips and their hands clutching tightly onto one another as if the other would disappear if they ever let go.

It's the need for air that lets them pull apart and lean their foreheads together. Magnus starts to chuckle and Alec joins him, both breathless and satiated.

"You really thought I was married? What made you think that?" Magnus asks.

"Well, you called Camille your wife the first time you talked about her and then there's your wedding ring."

"My what?"

Alec takes Magnus' left hand and taps on the ring in question. Magnus looks at it for a long moment. He starts laughing and presses his face into Alec's shoulder.

Alec huffs out a single laugh. "What is so funny?"

"I never told you that my parents are from Indonesia, did I?" Alec shakes his head no. "Well, I wore my wedding ring on my right hand as it is custom in their homeland."

Alec stares down at Magnus' empty right ring finger. "We are idiots," Alec snickers.

"Hey, I didn't think you were married," Magnus defends himself playfully.

"No, you just thought that I am in an existential crisis about my sexuality."

"Touché," Magnus cackles.

There is noise coming from the living room and Magnus takes a step back from Alec, asking him for forgiveness with a single look of his eyes. Alec nods in understanding. They need to figure out where this is going before the kids find out.

It's with a giddy feeling in his stomach and a fluttering heart that Alec says goodbye later. He longs for giving Magnus a kiss, soft and sweet. But he refrains. There will be time for that on another day. Hopefully.

"Call me later?" Magnus asks. "I don't sleep before midnight."

Alec nods. "I'm looking forward to it."

Magnus leans his head against the cool wood of his door after closing it behind their guests.

"Are you okay, Dad?" Rafe asks concerned.

"Yes, honey, I'm more than okay," he smiles.


	14. Chapter 14

"Hi," Alec's voice comes softly over the phone. Can your knees turn to jelly by a simple word? They can if you're Magnus Bane and Alexander Gideon Lightwood is the one saying it.

Magnus grins at himself in the mirror of his vanity table, half his face free from make-up. "Hi," he answers softly and hears a nervous chuckle from the other side.

They fall silent for a long moment just listening to each other's breathing.

"Are the boys in bed?" Alec finally asks.

"Yes. They were totally exhausted," Magnus chuckles. "They had a great time with Céline and Stevie."

"Same on our side. The twins didn't stop talking about my cool friend with the even cooler kids."

Magnus raises an amused eyebrow. "I guess that's a big compliment. At least I will take it as one."

"As you should," Alec replies. "They raved about you so much that my brother gave me a grilling."

Magnus laughs at that. "Poor darling. What did he want to know?"

Alec relishes the endearment falling easily from Magnus' lips. It conjures a smile on Alec's face. "Who you are, if your intentions are good. But he mostly checked in on me, no need to worry."

Magnus hums, rubbing the tissue over his forehead. "And what did you say to him, if you don't mind me asking?"

There is a short pause at the other end of the phone and Magnus wonders if Alec is already hiding something from him. "I told him that I'm really happy that we finally figured stuff out and that it's all fresh and new, and ... that I would be careful."

Magnus wavers between leaving it at that or probing a bit more. He decides to do the latter. "Is there anything I should know, Alec?" He hopes the question is open and still precise enough for the other man to answer.

"I ... No, it's ... My last boyfriend was a douche and he just asked me to look out for warning signs. Look, Magnus, this has nothing to do with you and I don't want to think about my ex when I'm talking to my boy...," Alec trails off, bites sharply into his lip, and bangs his head against the tabletop, scolding himself inwardly. How stupid can a man be? "Sorry," he whispers. 

"It's quite alright, Alexander. I wouldn't mind that label unless you feel uncomfortable with it. But I need to say that I'm not one ...," okay, lying he won't. He had one-night stands galore, but he doesn't want Alec to be one, so he needs to get his act together. "... who calls someone his boyfriend before going on an official date with him."

Magnus suppresses a sigh. That was smooth, even for his standards of eloquence. It seems to have the desired impact as Alec replies, "Then I think we should have this proper date as soon as possible. Any chance you can get some time off from your daddy duties?"

Magnus thinks of the next day and the reason why he had asked Catarina to take the boys overnight. His cheeks grow pink in a touch of shame. Would he really have taken a stranger home just to fuck Alec out of his system?

The thought process is obsolete now, so he tries to sound light when he says, "Yes, actually. Cat picks up the boys from school tomorrow. They'll stay with her overnight."

Alec's mind goes blank. Does Magnus mean what Alec thinks he was saying? Is he expecting sex right away? No, that can't be! It's just a coincidence. Alec jams on the brakes of the sure train wreck that are his thoughts right now and tries to keep his cool. He clears his throat. 

"You surely had other plans then if you asked her to take the boys. I don't want to bring chaos. We can meet at another time." Alec hopes the dread didn't find its way into his voice, but Magnus just chuckles softly.

"Nothing that is in the same street as going out with you, Alexander," Magnus says and feels little butterflies fluttering inside his chest. He's not sure what might happen, but he'd be fully content to just hold his hand and call him his boyfriend, kissing would be a nice bonus. He half hopes / half fears that sex is off the table. Magnus rolls his eyes at the man in the mirror. Maybe he _is_ a schoolgirl with a crush on the quarterback. But who cares?

"O - okay. Great. Mind if I pick you up?" Alec asks.

"No. More time for me to get ready," Magnus smirks and Alec seems to hear it through the phone as a relaxed rumble of laughter comes rolling from the other side. If he has any say in it, Magnus promises himself to make Alec laugh like this for the rest of his life.

"Six at yours?"

"I'll be ready."

* * *

Alec shuffles nervously through the hallway to Magnus' front door. Was it stupid to bring flowers? Is that something only folks do for their girlfriends?

Izzy encouraged him not to come empty-handed, but Alec doesn't know Magnus well enough to know what he likes to drink or what sweets he loves. How can he call him his boyfriend if he doesn't even know those basics?

Alec is short of looking for a bin to dispose of the roses, but then the door opens. Magnus had to buzz him in so of course, he knows that he should have made it to the penthouse by now.

Magnus stands in the doorway and smiles at him, wide and warm. Alec is left speechless. Magnus is breathtaking and Alec can’t help but think that he is way out of his league.

"Hello, Alexander. Are these for me?" he asks when Alec stares at him, mouth agape and silent.

"Umm ... yes ... of course," Alec stammers, feeling a blush crawling from his neck to his cheeks.

"Why thank you, darling. They are beautiful." Magnus takes a step outside, takes the flowers from Alec's trembling hands, and gives him a small peck on the lips. "Let's put them in a vase," he says, clearly amused.

Alec follows him to the kitchen and watches how Magnus takes care of the flowers. He taps his hands nervously on the worktop, trying to let out some of the tension.

"I wasn't sure if you prefer cut flowers or potted plants or if you like flowers at all," he blathers.

"Why are you so nervous? I didn't expect you to bring anything, Alexander. Relax." There is no teasing or condescension in his voice, just warmth.

"I haven't been on a real date ..." _Ever?_ No he can't say that. He never had a classical romantic first date as he and Joey drunk-kissed each other at a party and just decided to be together from that moment on. But he went on dates, admittedly with women who his parents had deemed good enough to throw at him. But he knew the drill then and there were no feelings involved. He just had to play nice for a few hours.

Magnus takes his silence as a sign of nervous tenseness, nothing more, and tries to calm him. "I love flowers. I used to buy a new bouquet every week. I don't know why I stopped that. Potted plants don't survive in my house. I would manage to let a cactus die of thirst."

The joke earns him a chuckle. With the roses finished, Magnus walks over to Alec and lays his hands on his hips. They smile at each other softly and Alec pulls him close, leaning down to kiss him. It's soft and sweet. Nothing like the desperate passion of their first time, just lips brushing, tongues gliding, and hands holding on to each other.

Magnus brushes a hand through Alec's hair, Alec's hand finds the small of his back. They kiss for long minutes, none of them willing to let go.


	15. Chapter 15

"Stay?" It's half a question and half a plea. Alec looks at Magnus with hesitation in his eyes. He's not sure what to say.

They had a great time, good food, even better company. He accepted Magnus' invitation to a nightcap. They kissed, they laughed, they kissed some more. There were wandering, yet respectful hands, moments of deep discussion and comfortable silence, and not a single of them felt off or wrong. And still ...

Alec brushes his hand over Magnus' thigh that is comfortably lying on top of his lap. They have been physically close the whole evening. What is he afraid of?

"You know that I don't expect anything more to happen, do you?" Magnus asks softly.

Alec smiles a little but doesn't meet his eye.

"I respect a man who doesn't put out after the first date. We've got time for that. I would just like to cuddle and wake up next to you in the morning. That's all."

Magnus is surprised that he feels that way. But on the other hand, he isn't. Alec is hot, no question about that. But he is also so much more than a body to warm him for one night. He is the promise of something bigger, something stronger than physical attraction.

A stronger smile tugs on Alec's lips now. "I would like that very much."

Magnus knits his brow together. He feels that Alec is still holding back. He's just not sure why. He wasn't shy in the last few hours. "But?" he asks.

Alec turns to face his boyfriend. The mere thought of the word shoots butterflies through his stomach. "No 'but'. I'd like to stay for the night."

Magnus' face lights up in an instant, all worry wiped off and gone.

"I don't think that I have pyjamas that fit you, but I can lend you some boxers and a teeshirt if you like," Magnus offers.

"Boxers will suffice ... unless you want me to wear a shirt, of course." There are this shy smile and pink blush again and Magnus isn't sure if he will ever get used to this boyish look on Alec's face. He looks adorable. It hits Magnus like lightning that this man - handsome, smart, and blessed with dark humour - is his now.

Magnus had promised himself to take it slow this time, but it's difficult. They may not know all the details, but Alec already _feels_ like so much more. Close, familiar, reliable, safe. Magnus didn't know how much he longed for someone like him until this very moment.

Magnus was the one keeping his tight-knit circle together, cared for his boys and friends, fought like a lion whenever necessary. He may have shared the burden sometimes, but there was no-one who solely cared for him. It would be nice to have someone to look after him for a change.

He feels that Alec holds a strength and a brokenness underneath his softness that makes him safe to share his own dark spots with. He feels it in his bones that he can trust him. It's a little unsettling after his unsuccessful marriage and past dating attempts. But Magnus is tired of carrying his life on his own. He wants someone to share his whole being with. And he wants this someone to be Alec.

But Magnus wouldn't be Magnus if he just said this out loud and didn't cover up his inner turmoil and longing with a confidence that isn't really fake, but that isn't absolutely real either.

"I'm used to sleeping naked, so, do whatever suits you," he says nonchalantly and grins as he sees Alec’s cheeks turning an even deeper shade of red.

Alec chokes on his own saliva and coughs. Magnus pads his back to help him.

"I'm sorry," Magnus says, trying to hide the giggle that is sparkling up inside of him. 

"You're a tease," Alec chuckles when he can finally breathe properly again.

Despite this, Magnus' whole demeanour changes as quickly as the flip of a coin.

"I'm sorry," Magnus repeats, this time more sincerely. His eyes are glazed over with worry and a deep frown crumples his beautiful face. Alec wonders if Camille is the reason for this reaction, if she appreciated Magnus' humour or if he had to be always guarded around her.

"It's okay, Magnus. I'm not made of sugar." He cups his boyfriend's still painfully anxious face. "What is it?"

"Sometimes I cross a line. My mouth is quicker than my brain. I never want to make you feel uncomfortable," Magnus explains, not meeting Alec's eyes. 

"I am fine. You just took me by surprise, that's all."

Alec runs his thumb tenderly over Magnus' cheek. "C’mere," he whispers and tugs softly on his neck, lying the other hand on his waist. It takes Magnus a moment to understand what Alec wants, another moment to make his body move, and a third, hesitating moment until he settles down on Alec's lap.

It's strange, but the new position isn't more sexual than the one before. It would be easy to rut against each other, but none of them is moving. They just lean their foreheads together and enjoy the closeness of their bodies and the tingling sensation of their breaths on their skin.

Alec's fingers brush small circles into the small of Magnus' back and Magnus' hands settle on Alec's shoulders. It's intimate and grounding. All tension leaves Magnus' body. He can't remember to have been this content with a lover outside of sex.

"This is too good," Magnus says, his voice barely audible. Alec isn't sure if he even meant to say it out loud.

"It sure feels like that," Alec whispers back. "It's kind of scary."

Magnus huffs a laugh but turns serious again in a heartbeat. "But good scary, right?"

Alec presses a soft kiss on Magnus' lips. "The best."


	16. Chapter 16

The morning light creeps through the blackout curtains. Alec needs a moment to orient himself. But then he feels the softly snoring weight in his arms.

Waking up with Magnus cuddled against him conjures a smile on Alec's lips. He hasn't slept this well in ages.

Magnus presses warm and firm into his side. Feeling him skin on skin nearly kept Alec from falling asleep last night. Visions of things that one day might happen in this very bed flooded his mind and Alec was thankful that Somnus had seized Magnus shortly after they sank into the sheets. His arousal wouldn't have gone without notice and he wouldn't have been surprised if he went into full panic mode.

Alec wills the new images away and slightly turns his hips so that his morning wood doesn't touch Magnus' thigh. He doesn't even know what the proper etiquette for such a situation is. He knows what would have happened with Joey - nothing beyond petting. It had been the first time he had offered to go further when ...

Alec shakes his head to clear it off this memory. Nothing in this new developing relationship can or should be compared to what he and Joey had. He can't hand his ex so much power. 

_Damn it!_ He needs to tell Magnus. But that would be embarrassing. It would show how stupid he was in the past and that he has no experience in bed whatsoever.

Who is still a virgin at his age? Only weirdos or pious people. He is neither of those. Or maybe he is. He slept naked with his boyfriend after their first date and didn't even touch him below the belt, so to speak. Maybe Magnus already has his suspicions. Maybe he's regretting getting involved with him by now. Or he would if he were already awake.

Dread forms a tight ball in his stomach. Alec feels nausea spreading to his throat.

He tries to untangle himself from Magnus without waking him, but he fails.

"Where'e goin'?" he asks drowsily, his voice still rough from sleep.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Alec says and Magnus lets him go reluctantly.

After washing his hands Alec braces himself on the washbasin and studies his own reflection in the mirror. He stares at himself for long minutes until a soft knock rips him out of his spiralling thoughts.

"Are you alright in there?" Magnus asks, worry lacing his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You can come in if you need something," Alec says and splashes his face with water.

He hears the door clicking open, then feels Magnus' warmth behind him and his warm hands on his hips. Magnus presses a kiss to his shoulder and his chest to Alec's back. The touch is welcomed, but deeply unsettling. Arousal twirls at the pit of Alec's stomach and Magnus isn't unaffected either, judging by the slowly hardening cock pressing into his thigh.

Alec's breath hitches and Magnus chuckles softly.

"Good morning," he whispers and Alec returns a small smile through the mirror.

"Is there any way I could lure you back into bed?" Magnus asks.

Alec swallows hard. "I ... I think we need ... to talk."

Magnus' body stiffens instantly and he takes a step back. Alec misses his warmth immediately.

"Okay," Magnus says, stretching the word impossibly long. His stomach is tied into knots. Does Alec want to break up with him? Was this too intimate for him? He seemed to enjoy it.

"Maybe with clothes on," Alec adds and Magnus nods, turns around, and leaves the bathroom. When Alec follows him after taking a few steadying breaths, he's already clothed.

Alec dresses swiftly and walks to Magnus' kitchen where he can hear the coffee maker grinding the beans.

Magnus stays silent when Alec enters, acknowledging his presence only when he hands him his mug. He already knows how Alec likes his coffee and the small gesture warms his boyfriend's heart.

"Did you prepare an 'It's not you, it's me' speech'? Because, believe me, I heard every variation before."

Magnus' voice is flat and speaks of so much pain, it breaks Alec's heart.

"No ... But yes, kind of, but not the way you think."

Magnus sighs and leans against the kitchen island, bracing himself for what to come.

Alec takes a deep breath. "I'm ...," he trails off. Why is this so difficult? "I never had ..." He closes his eyes and rips the band-aid off. "I'm still a virgin."

Alec feels tears welling up behind his closed eyelids. This is so embarrassing, he wants to die on the spot. He can't look at Magnus, can't look at whatever his face might show - disgust or amusement the most likely reactions.

"Oh, Alexander," Magnus' voice comes closer and his hands grab Alec's hips assuringly, yet tender enough for Alec to pull back if the touch is unwanted.

Alec opens his teary eyes and dares to look at his boyfriend who smiles at him warmly and raises his hands to cup his heated cheeks. "I'm sorry that I was too ..."

Alec shakes his head. "No, I liked what you did I just didn't want to give the impression that ... I don't know."

"That you're well versed in bodily pleasure?" Alec nods. Magnus fixes him with a soft gaze. "Thank you for telling me. It's not a problem for me if you think that. But maybe we should talk about boundaries?"

"There are none," Alec is quick to reply. Magnus tilts his head to the side and raises a questioning eyebrow. "I mean, I'm not afraid of sex. It just never worked out and the older I got ... Could we just take it slow?"

Magnus' smile runs through Alec's body like a warm breeze. "As slow as you need, darling."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW between the dividing lines.

As it is, it doesn't need much to convince Alec to go back to bed after having his coffee. 

Being naked with each other by daylight is slightly unnerving, but Alec is too curious to let it overwhelm him. And it's not as if he never had done _things_ with other men, or women for that matter. He got to first base with a few guys and girls before he met Joey. Although he'd like to push away the memory of him and Aline both trying to convince themselves of being straight - with each other of all things. They burst out laughing and decided to stay friends. That day he definitely knew that he was gay.

"You're so beautiful," Magnus speaks into the tender skin of his neck. The words make his heart miss a beat or two. No-one has ever called him that. Alec can't suppress a disapproving noise coming from deep within his throat. Magnus' head shoots up and he fixes his eyes on Alec's. "You'll have to learn to accept compliments, darling, or we two will have a huge problem."

Magnus sits up on Alec's thighs and looks at the miles of fair skin in front of him. He brushes his hands through the dark hair on Alec's chest and hums approvingly.

"Do ... do you like what you see," Alec asks, blushing like the virgin that he is.

"Mmh ... very much so," Magnus smiles.

"Not everyone likes hairy men," Alec states. It sounds neutral, but Magnus has the suspicion that there is more behind it.

"I like it. What about you?"

"Not so much. I used to shave, but it's so much work."

Magnus snickers. "I am blessed with being pretty hairless. I guess you're lucky then," he jokes.

Alec runs his hands over Magnus' thighs and rests them on his hips. "I'm lucky on so many levels." The admission takes Magnus' breath away. Alec looks at him with something akin to awe and Magnus feels goosebumps making their way from his feet up to the skin of his scalp.

"What are you doing to me?" he whispers.

Alec looks up at him with a sheepish smile and Magnus lowers himself again to kiss it off his boyfriend's beautiful face.

The kiss deepens steadily. Time loses meaning. There is only the slow movement of their lips, Magnus' hands in Alec's hair, and Alec's fingers brushing softly over Magnus' back.

* * *

Alec feels his cock fill slowly against his will. He knows he only needs to say 'stop' and Magnus will just do that. But his boyfriend tastes so good and kissing him is intoxicating.

Magnus seems to feel the same as his arousal is clear as day pressing into his stomach. It's when he starts rutting on top of him that Alec's brain goes offline for a moment. It feels so good, the slide of their dicks, teasingly slow, Magnus' breath on his neck, when he disconnects their lips.

Alec bucks up, his body on autopilot. Fire runs through his veins and curls in his guts. This is good. This is Magnus. This happens because he wants it. Alec repeats the words again and again in his mind. He knows they are true.

"Can I jerk you off?" Magnus moans into his ear.

The question stills everything in Alec and Magnus raises his head a little to study his boyfriend's face. Alec doesn't know what to do. "I ..."

"It's okay. Sorry, I didn't mean to rush you," Magnus tries to soothe him.

"No ... I want to."

Magnus frowns down at him. "Are you sure? We really don't need to."

Alec stares into chocolate coloured eyes. They are warm and honest. He swallows the lump in his throat and reaches down between them, his answer is a tight grip around Magnus' length.

Magnus moans quietly. "We can stop whenever ...," he trails off when Alec moves his hand expertly.

"Alec!" It's a sound of surprise, a plea, maybe a prayer. Alec smirks and repeats the flick of his hand. "I'm tested. Do you want a condom?" Magnus breathes.

The question throws Alec off, his movements falter. Why didn't he think about that?

"I don't know."

Magnus looks down at him and smiles. Then he leans to the bedside table and pulls two condoms and a bottle of lube out of the drawer. Alec's eyes grow wide, his brain a little slow to process what is just happening.

"It's less of a mess anyway," Magnus says and Alec watches him rolling the condom down on his own cock. "May I?" his boyfriend smirks when he sees Alec doesn't do the same. Alec nods and tries to keep still while Magnus resumes the preparation.

Magnus leans down and peppers his face with little pecks until Alec giggles and relaxes into the mattress. "I will make you feel good," Magnus promises and Alec feels how he wraps his long, lube slicked fingers around both their lengths.

The condoms feel weird in the beginning and Alec wishes they had talked about this before. But who is he to complain now? The most beautiful man on earth - his boyfriend - is jerking both of them off while whispering praises into his ear.

Magnus' rumbling voice will be the death of Alec, so much he knows. But feeling his boyfriend's hand circling them both, the slick glide, the noises that fall from his own lips unbidden, Magnus kissing and nibbling at his throat - it doesn't take long until the telltale signs of his approaching orgasm build up deep down inside.

"Magnus, I, ...," he whines

"I've got you. Let go, Alexander."

And Alec does. It's earth-shattering, tide-turning, and the most intense climax he ever had. He can't even be embarrassed that he didn't keep up longer. 

Magnus strokes him through it, watching him as if he were the 8th wonder of the world. Alec slowly comes down from his high, feeling loose and relaxed. So this is how it is to come with another person. He chuckles, his eyelids still too heavy to open. He throws an arm over them and keeps on laughing. Maybe that's how it feels like to be high on drugs.

When he finally manages to open his eyes he sees Magnus smiling down at him.

"There you are," he chuckles. "How are you feeling?"

"Heavenly."

Alec's eyes trail down Magnus' body until he sees his still throbbing erection. God, he is a bad boyfriend. He wraps his hand around Magnus' dick.

"You don't need to," Magnus says, but Alec just shakes his head and makes a non-committal sound.

Alec jerks him off. The angle is odd, but Magnus seems to enjoy it nonetheless so Alec keeps up his ministrations. 

He soaks in Magnus' slightly opened lips, his quickening breathing, the moans leaving his mouth, his closed eyes, and thrown back head. He feels Magnus' cock hot and heavy in his hand, the way his boyfriend's whole body jerks forward, thrusting into his hand.

It's the hottest thing Alec has ever seen. No porn, no wanking material could ever hold a candle to the sight above him.

Magnus keens, his face scrunches up, his breath becomes short, and he stills for a moment, like frozen in time. And then he comes undone with a long drawn 'Alec' on his lips that press tears out of the man below, still looking up at him in awe.

* * *

Alec pulls him on his chest when he sees Magnus fighting to keep himself up.

"I've got you," he murmurs into his hair repeatedly. Magnus chuckles softly into his shoulder.

"God, you're perfect," he whispers, the words muffled and vibrating into Alec's skin.

He raises his head, still a little sluggish, and finds his partner frowning. "What is it, darling?"

Alec gives him a lopsided smile. "I just wondered if I'm still a virgin."

Magnus laughs out loud. "That depends on your definition of virginity, but I'd call what we just did sex, so." He shrugs his shoulders.

Alec grins and hums in agreement.

"Let's get rid of the rubbers. It's not so comfortable if it gets sticky."

He climbs off the bed and helps Alec to get up. "Thank you," Alec whispers and presses his lips on Magnus'. 

Magnus grins into the kiss. "Thank you for trusting me."


	18. Chapter 18

Alec narrows his eyes in suspicion. Whatever Jace is cooking up in his tiny kitchenette smells great, but his brother is only good at preparing what Simon calls 'rabbit food' so he's at least a little worried. But it happens rarely enough that the two brothers have time without Clary and the twins around so he tries not to read too much into the situation.

Although Jace letting himself in with his spare key and dropping a full paper bag with groceries on Alec's coffee table should be a warning sign in itself. But Alec is too tired. He got tied up with the book about gender studies and literature from a German philologist that Magnus lent him. The sun may already stand high at heaven's tent, but he hasn't got more than four hours of sleep under his belt, the reading material too fascinating to lay the book down.

Alec sits up on the couch that he hasn't really left since he came home the day before. Maybe it should worry him, but he can't make himself care. He misses Magnus. It's stupid. How can you miss someone who has been part of your life only for a few days?

"So, you spent the night with him?" his brother's voice comes from above and Jace shoves a bowl in Alec's hands before slumping into the cushion next to him. 

"Yeah. Is there a problem?"

Jace shakes his head and takes a forkful of the Asian style noodle dish he cooked up. It looks acceptable.

"Just unusual for you," Jace says with his mouth full. "Ever since Joey ..."

"Magnus isn't Joey!" Maybe the words come out a little harsher than Alec intended to say them.

"I know," Jace replies, raising the hand with the fork pacifyingly, "I just don't want you to repeat the same mistake. That's all."

Alec laughs without mirth. "You were the one who told me that I did nothing wrong."

Jace lets the fork fall into his bowl and runs his hand over his face. "You didn't, except for trusting him."

"Magnus is a professor, a father, not a petty twink who can't take no for an answer."

Jace worries his lower lip. "I just don't want you to get hurt again, Alec."

"I know."

They eat in silence for a while. "That wasn't half bad," Alec offers when he's finished.

Jace grins. "I thought you could need something proper. When was the last time you ate?"

Alec's smile falters and he clears his throat. He looks like a schoolboy who forgot his homework.

Jace sighs. "Alec, I am happy for you. But just because you're on cloud nine doesn't mean you can stop taking care of yourself. Does he know?" Alec shakes his head no. "Then you should tell him. You made such great progress, bro, but you still need support. The man you're dating should be part of it."

"He's my boyfriend," Alec corrects as if that was the important part of the sentence. 

Jace's brow shoots up. "Already? You don't miss out on anything, do you?"

Alec shrugs. "Not everyone has fear of commitment," he teases.

Jace laughs out loud. "Says the man who has exactly two notches on his bedpost and none of them led to his defloration."

His chuckles die when he sees the blush on Alec's cheeks. "You didn't! You just met the man!"

"It's none of your business," Alec hisses.

"Please, tell me you at least used protection."

"Yes." Alec rolls his eyes.

Jace exhales loudly. "Good. Did he pressure you into it?"

Alec rolls his eyes again, this time more dramatically. "No. He was the perfect gentleman."

Jace nods. "Good." Silence befalls them again.

"Listen, buddy, I know that your relationship has got shit all to do with me. I just want you to be careful and to talk to me when something's happening that feels off. I am the only one who knows your full story after all."

Alec shakes his head in agreement. "Thanks, man, I really appreciate your concern."

Jace's serious face morphs into a mischievous grin. "So, how was it? Did you top?"

Alec groans. "I never asked you what your favourite sex position is, Jace!"

"Because you've been a little virgin for too long. Now we can have the important brother talks, just a decade too late." Jace bumps his shoulder into Alec's and gives him a wink.

"I won't talk with you about that. Forget it!" Alec presses his jaws together. He won't let his brother turn the beautiful memory into something naughty.

"Okay, okay," Jace says and raises his hands in a placating manner, "I just hope it was a good first time."

Alec sees the honesty in Jace's face. "It was," he says with a wide grin.

Jace punches his biceps. "Good for you." He looks at Alec softly, a little bit of concern still flickering through his countenance. "So, how are you planning to do this? I mean with the boys. I suppose it's more complicated."

Alec nods. "We decided to take it slow." Jace raises a questioning eyebrow. "With the boys, I mean. We won't tell them right away, give ourselves some time to get to know each other better. Magnus is pretty tied up with them so we will most likely just spend our breaks together and maybe hang out sometimes. If it's fine with you I might borrow your kids now and then to have a little more time with Magnus."

"Sure, as often as you want, Alec. But I'd like to meet him, okay?"

Alec knits his brow together. "Why? Don't you trust me?"

Jace sighs. "I trust you with the most important people in my life - my kids and Clary. I trust you to make the right choices. I just can't help being worried. It's all new and Joey ... he killed you. I thought I was gonna ... I can't lose you, Alec. I nearly did."

Jace, usually cocky and upright, collapses into himself. Alec wishes he could take away the pain he inflicted on his younger brother in the past.

He brushes his hand soothingly through Jace's blond hair. "I am here. I'm not going anywhere."

Alec brushes away the tears falling from Jace's eyes.

"Damn it! I didn't mean to turn this into a cry session," Jace sniffles.

Alec pulls him into a bone-crushing hug. "I'll be careful. And I promise I will talk with Magnus about my problems and take better care of myself. I will _never_ lose myself like that again."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart!"


	19. Chapter 19

Alec strolls into Magnus' lecture hall as nonchalantly as he masters, trying to hide the buzzing excitement of finally seeing his boyfriend again after two long days.

"Hi," he says when the last student leaves the room.

"Hello, darling," Magnus answers and smiles at him brightly, bringing the sun to shame.

Alec hesitates a moment, but then he pulls Magnus into a soft kiss. "God, I missed you," he whispers when they part.

"I missed you, too, Alexander," Magnus replies, brushing a hand through Alec's dark hair. He cups his cheeks and takes a good look at his boyfriend. "You look tired," he states. There is no judgement in his voice, only concern.

Alec looks away. Will Magnus be just another person who always worries about him? That's not what Alec wants. He's okay, mostly.

"I'm fine. Frau Nieberle just kept me awake." It's partially a lie. The book may have stolen his sleep two days ago, but last night he lay awake, racking his brain over how to tell Magnus about his medical history without chasing the other man away.

"Lunch?" Alec asks.

"I can join you, but I'm not eating before 4 pm today," Magnus says, packing his bag.

"What? Nothing? That doesn't sound healthy," Alec says. His stomach stirs slightly in unease. He has seen Magnus eat normal portions, he looks healthy, toned. Still, his mind runs a hundred miles an hour.

"I'm doing intermittent fasting. It helped me get rid of my fatty liver. That stuff runs in my family." Magnus swallows hard, pushing away the memories rising unbidden to his mind. "I get all my macro and micronutrition in my feeding window. You don't need to worry about it," he explains when he sees concern washing over Alec’s face.

"O - okay. Well, I need my three meals a day," Alec says.

"I thought that, too, but it's actually pretty easy. Maybe you should try it sometime."

This is it. The moment he could just say it. But his tongue sticks to the base of his suddenly very dry mouth.

"I think I stick to my usual schedule," he presses out, his shoulders slumping a little at the realisation of what a coward he is.

"That's quite alright, darling. I'm not religious about it. I just try to stick to my usual 20/4 rhythm at least six days of the week. But there are always good reasons to be lenient sometimes, like m&ms at the cinema," he grins and winks at him.

Alec chuckles, the nervousness slowly bleeding out of him. "Good to know."

They walk over to the cafeteria and Alec tries to enjoy his Philly cheese steak sandwich with assorted vegetables. It's strange to eat alone while Magnus is watching him intently. It reminds him of Jace and Clary the first months after he came out of the clinic and lived with them.

Magnus puts his hand on Alec's thigh, a soft presence, anchoring him in the here and now. Alec gives him a thankful smile even though his boyfriend hopefully doesn't feel the anxiety coming off him in waves.

"You'll get used to it," Magnus says and Alec nods, not really sure what he's agreeing to. But it doesn't matter.

"Um, we didn't talk about PDAs here at the uni," he says and Magnus pulls his hand away immediately. "I didn't mean that you should stop," Alec sighs, "I just wanted to know where your comfort zone ends."

Magnus nods in understanding. "Outside the lecture hall, I feel comfortable with everything we would do anywhere else in public. There are no rules, right? I mean there is no imbalance in power between us. We're not even working for the same department."

"Some of my colleagues fell in love here on campus. As long as we don't fail in our duties, we should be fine."

"Good," Magnus grins, "because I really want to kiss you now." He leans in and catches Alec's lips with his own. Alec smiles into the kiss. He feels eyes on them, but he doesn't care until someone whistles next to them and they break apart laughing. 

"Congratulations, Mister L. Good catch!" a blond student shouts under the cheering of his classmates around him.

"Why, thank you, Matthew. Still. A little privacy?" Alec reprimands him without heat.

"Sure," the young man says with a wide grin. "Just wanted to let you know that we approve."

"That's very kind of you," Alec replies with deep red cheeks. But it feels good, seeing people accepting him and Magnus without a second thought.

He takes Magnus' hand and continues to eat his lunch single-handedly.

"So, you mentioned your liver. Anything else I should know?"

Magnus smiles at him warmly. "No. Nothing acutely. I try to keep my carbs low most of the days. I don't want to develop diabetes. It's a family favourite, too. But there are times when I'm strict keto and then again others I eat whatever I like, just inside my four hour eating window. And you?"

Alec swallows around the lump in his throat. There's no use in postponing this conversation. "There is something you should know, but could we go to my office for that? It's rather ... private."

Magnus nods, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes full of concern. _Shit!_

"I'm fine now," Alec hastens to add, but the smile Magnus gives him is small and still worried.

The way to his office feels like an eternity and Alec breathes out sharply when he finally closes the door behind them.

"I'm so sorry, Magnus, I threw this at you without warning and in the worst possible way."

"Just tell me what it is. Otherwise, my brain cooks up more and more worst-case scenarios."

Alec nods and takes a deep breath. "There is a reason why intermittent fasting isn't an option for me as it runs contrary to my stabilisation programme." Alec runs a hand over the back of his neck. "I ... I need to eat regularly because ... because there was a time where I just ... stopped."

Alec looks at Magnus with a slight panic. His heart threatens to beat out of his chest. He prays that his past won't destroy his present, yanking out the tender roots they started to grow.

"What you're telling me is, that you were anorexic. Do I understand this right?"

Alec nods, feeling shame crawling over his skin. That's why he never mentions it. Too many wrong preconceptions are spread through the media. He's just waiting for Magnus to point out that this can't be true as he isn't a girl.

But instead he feels warm hands on his cheeks, moving his head up softly to face him.

"I am SO happy that you made it, Alexander. You're so strong. I will support you in any way you need me to, okay?"

Alec nods nearly imperceptible. "Thank you," he croaks, overwhelmed by the simple acceptance.

Magnus gives him a warm smile. "How long ... I don't know how to word this ..."

"Am I recovered?" Magnus nods. "My last relapse was two years ago. It didn't get as worse as the first time, but ... I'm okay now."

Magnus nods. "Sorry. We didn't even have breakfast when you stayed overnight. I'm so used to just having coffee in the morning. Please, tell me what you eat before the next time so that I have stuff you like, okay?"

Alec smiles and Magnus kisses him, languidly, as if they had all the time in the world, as if time itself stood still, just for them. Alec sinks into it, leaving behind his shame and fear. Magnus accepts him, just like he is. It may be too early to use the word, but it feels like love.


	20. Chapter 20

"Is Friday still on?" Raphael asks, amusement clear in his voice.

"But of course? Why wouldn't it be?" Magnus frowns. 

"Thought you might prefer the company of a certain man to your friends," Raphael teases.

"When have I ever neglected my friends just because I'm in a relationship?" Magnus asks with a raised eyebrow. 

"That's true. But I haven't seen you as smitten ... well, ever. This man really took your heart by storm. And you don't have a lot of time between work and the boys."

"Yeah," Magnus agrees.

Being with Alec is the easiest and the most difficult thing at the same time. On one hand, they seem to fit together perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle. Their needs and wishes align, Alec is patient with Magnus when it comes to telling the boys, they steal moments with each other whenever they can, and Alec always drops by when the kids are out for piano lessons or baseball. He even took them to a shooting range, introduced them to archery. It's perfect, really.

But on the other hand, it's mostly this. Stolen time between appointments, quick rolls in the sack, holding back in front of the kids, late-night calls that must suffice even though Magnus doesn't want anything more than falling asleep curled around Alec.

It's been going on for weeks now and it's going well, everything considered. Too well, maybe. Magnus is still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"You could bring him, you know?" Raphael pulls him out of his thoughts.

"And throw him to the wolves? I know how you four can get."

"Come on, we aren't that bad!" Raphael protests. 

"Remember when I introduced Camille to you?"

Raphael knits his brow together. "That's because it was Camille and we knew that she was a snake in the grass right from the start. You were just so gone for her that you couldn't see it. We're already holding Alec in high esteem. The way he accepts you and your life, how he supports you and doesn't push for anything you aren't ready to give."

"Woah, Raphael, stop or I might think you actually like my boyfriend. That could ruin your reputation as a grumpy cat."

Raphael shrugs his shoulders. "I haven't seen you this happy for years, Magnus. It suits you. And if this man is responsible for that, I'm willing to let slide how annoying you two teenagers are whenever you're in the same room."

"That's my boy. For a second I thought I lost you, my friend." They chuckle together. "So, it wouldn't be awkward to bring him to our monthly poker night?"

"You met his siblings. We think it's just fair that he meets yours, too."

"We?"

"Yes, 'we'. We do communicate, you know," Raphael says, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance. 

Magnus chuckles. "I'll ask if he's free.

* * *

That's how Alec ends up in front of Magnus' apartment door, nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

A woman with long dark hair, dressed in a cocktail gown opens the door. She smiles at him warmly, turns her head back, and shouts, "The pizza man is here."

Alec chuckles and blushes a little. "You must be Dot. Nice to meet you."

The woman grins. "Nice to meet you, too, Alec. Come in. We're all starving."

No matter how often Alec has been here before, tonight the loft feels different. There are no toys or children's books lying around, the noise of conversation wafts over from the living room, and his boyfriend is nowhere to be seen.

"Mags is mixing cocktails in the kitchen. We are all suckers for his caipirinha," Dot explains, sensing his nervousness.

They walk over to the already set dining table where two men are engrossed in conversation.

"Hi, Raphael," Alec says when they turn to greet him. "And you must be Ragnor," he says, holding out his hand towards the older man.

"I guess I must," the man answers with a cheeky smile and a beautiful English accent. "And you must be the reason why our Magnus can't stop smiling." It's not said in a teasing manner. Ragnor seems to be elated. Alec chuckles a little shyly in response.

"Yes, it's disgusting, isn't it?" Raphael chimes in and Ragnor's laughter rumbles just off him.

"I take him like that a thousand times over his old married self when Camille sucked every fun out of him."

"Na, na, na. We won't talk of the one who may never be named. This is meant to be a nice day," a female voice comes from the kitchen door.

It belongs to the woman that Alec recognises from the photos on Magnus' phone. She holds a big pitcher in her hand.

"Here, pour us some, boys, so that I can give Alec the once-over," she says and gives him a wink. Alec isn't sure if he should be afraid or thankful that his boyfriend's oldest and best friend isolates him from the flock and pulls him out on the balcony.

Outside she sits down on the loveseat and taps the cushion next to her. Nervously Alec sits down, bracing himself for the shovel talk that is sure to come. It would be hilarious if the woman wouldn't exude so much confidence. 

"I am very happy that you came tonight. It means a lot to Magnus and us. We know that you are an important part of his life now and we want you to feel comfortable around us. I get how difficult it is to be the new guy and I just want to make sure that you know that the teasing that is sure to come isn't meant to hurt you. We are a pretty sarcastic, but well-meaning bunch."

That was not the speech Alec had expected, but it eases a bit of the anxiety that curled around his stomach ever since he picked up the pizza.

"Thank you, Catarina, I really appreciate that."

She gives him a warm smile and walks to the door. She turns around and says, "You can call me Cat, and just that you know, if you hurt him you'll find out that this kitten has razor-sharp claws."

Alec chuckles. "Gotcha."


	21. Chapter 21

The next weeks fly by and the summer courses are slowly coming to an end. Magnus and Alec know that their schedules won't be as well aligned as they used to be with their language courses. Alec will return to his usual lectures in autumn and Magnus will have to decide what path to choose when Max finally starts school.

They are lying in bed, bodies and fingers intertwined. It's one of their rare mornings together. Usually, Alec sneaks in after the boys' bedtime and out in the early morning hours. But Camille has the boys for the whole weekend and the couple can finally indulge in lazy make-out sessions on the sofa, noisy sex whenever they feel like it, and endless morning cuddles.

"I wish we had this every day," Alec says into Magnus' still sex heated skin.

"Realistically speaking, it wouldn't be like that if we woke up next to each other every morning," Magnus declares.

"Well, aren't you romantic," Alec chuckles. It's not that he wants to push Magnus, but playing hide-and-seek comes with the cost of too many hours of missed sleep and he thinks that everything is going well between them. Really well. He is positive that they are meant to last and he wonders how long it will take for Magnus to trust him, trust them to finally tell the boys that they are together. 

A little, selfish part of him wants Magnus to feel the same intensity, the same longing that he does. But maybe that's just not to be expected when someone shared his bed with dozens of people and had several serious relationships before him. Maybe Magnus can't give himself to Alec the way he did to former partners. It's a sad thought and Alec hopes that over time this will change.

But he longs for a future where Magnus doesn't want to hide him any longer as if he were a dirty little secret. Alec knows it isn't fair to think about their arrangement in those terms. Magnus is only protecting his children and that's fair enough. Still, Alec wants to hold his hand and kiss him when the boys are around, wants to tell them goodnight before going to bed with their father.

 _Patience_ , he reminds himself. _It's not all about you._

He kisses Magnus' temple and breathes in their mixed scents. He loves how the room smells like their lovemaking. Magnus' sandalwood scent, the musk of sex heated bodies, and the peach flavoured lube that they tried out for the first time. The mixture is strangely intoxicating.

"What are you thinking about?" Alec asks softly, seeing frowning lines on his boyfriend's forehead.

Magnus' lips curl up into a soft smile. "Just that I can't really imagine us falling into the daily grind like it usually happens with most couples. And I thought, maybe it's ..."

An angry knocking at the front door interrupts Magnus mid-sentence. He frowns and gets up quickly, putting on the bathrobe Alec bought him on a whim. The knocking returns and a woman's voice pierces through. "Magnus, damn it, open the door!"

Magnus stops still in his tracks, all colour leaving his cheeks. It's just a second until he moves again, now running to his front door and tearing it open.

"Camille!"

Alec can hear the trembling of his voice through the opened door of the master bedroom. What is he supposed to do? He decides to keep as quiet as possible. 

"What the hell are you doing here!?" The irritation and a hint of panic are audible in Magnus' voice.

"Max has a fever. He insisted that he wants to go home. As if I couldn't take care of a bagatelle like that," she says and pushes the boys into her ex-husband's direction.

Magnus kneels down in front of Max who is looking at him with glassy eyes. He puts a hand on the boy's neck. Yes, definitely a fever.

"Rafael, would you help your brother into his pyjamas and bring him some water, please? I am with you in a second."

Rafe nods and leads his little brother to his bedroom, passing his father's in the process. There is a split second where he meets Alec's eyes.

 _Shit!_ Now the cat is out of the bag.

Alec searches for his boxer shorts and puts them on quietly. He tiptoes to the door, planning to close it. He doesn't mean to eavesdrop on his boyfriend, but Camille's voice carries easily through the hallway

"You reek of sex, Maggie. Is that how you spend your free weekends? Fucking yourself through half of New York?"

"Stop calling me that! And I'm not the one who did this back when we were married," he spits, letting out his anger now that the boys are out of earshot.

"Well, what other choice did I have? The boys were always in our bed," Camille hisses.

"There are other places to have sex, Camille. Out there is a very steady dining table and an extremely comfy couch. Don't justify you sleeping around with me giving our kids what they needed when they were little. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. You could have split up with me before I found you in our bed with your Russian colleague."

Camille works her jaws, well knowing that she can't win this fight. "I guess you should ask your little fuck toy to leave. Parental responsibilities are waiting," she nearly spits in his face and Alec feels the uncharacteristic urge to punch that woman.

He doesn't hear Magnus' answer as he searches his clothes and dresses himself. Rafael has already seen him and Max is too far gone.

Alec strolls out of the bedroom as nonchalantly as he can muster. Magnus looks flustered as he watches Alec putting on his shoes.

"Thanks for the great night, Magnus. I guess I should go. Text me if you like a rerun. It was fun. I hope your boy feels better soon."

And with that he presses a kiss on Magnus' pink cheeks and leaves, not without bumping into Camille's shoulder a little.

His heart may be in his mouth, but he won't give Camille any more munition, just because he wants to stay and comfort his boyfriend after the bitch is gone.

When the elevator door closes, he shoots Magnus a text.

_Rafe saw me in your bedroom. I'm sorry. Call me. I love you._

He hits 'send' and then he freezes. What has he done!?


	22. Chapter 22

Magnus removes the cold leg compresses for the last time. Max' temperature is slowly coming down and Rafael offers to cuddle his little brother so that his father can finally get a breather.

"You're such a great big brother," he praises him and presses a kiss into his hair. Rafael smiles back at him with pride. "Call me, if you need a break. I'm just taking a quick shower and then I'm in my room, door open. Okay?"

Rafael nods. Magnus gets off the bed and walks to the door.

"Daddy?" Magnus turns around to face him. "Never mind. It's not important."

Magnus wrinkles his eyebrow. "Everything is important, honey. You can ask and tell me anything. You know that, right?"

"I know," Rafe says. "Mum has a new boyfriend."

Magnus can barely keep himself from rolling his eyes. It's the third this year. "Is he nice?" he asks instead.

"He was alright, I guess." Magnus hums non-committally. "But not as nice as Alec."

Magnus frowns but doesn't comment on it. Rafael doesn't seem to expect a reply anyway. "Goodnight, Daddy," he murmurs.

Magnus smiles. "Sweet dreams."

* * *

The lukewarm water washes away a little bit of the tension of the past day. Magnus is still angry. Angry about Camille, angry about Alec having to act as if he were a one-night stand just to hide the fact that they are boyfriends, angry that Camille destroyed the moment when he wanted to tell Alec that he's ready to share their love with the boys.

With a towel on his head and one around his hips he walks into the kitchen where his phone is plugged in to charge. He should call Alec, thank him for the quick thinking, and tell him that Max is on the road to recovery.

A message is already waiting for him, sent right after Alec's departure. Magnus smiles while unlocking his screen.

He reads the message and blinks. He reads it once again and clutches the phone to his chest, right over his racing heart. _Fuck!_

He takes a few steadying breaths and with trembling fingers, he presses the call button.

Alec picks up in an instant. "Hey," is all that comes from the other side of the line and Magnus smiles, smiles at the small three-letter word so softly spoken, at the warmth and slight panic in his boyfriend's voice, and at the possibilities promising to rain down on both of them soon.

Maybe he should panic about Rafe knowing, maybe he should be worried that Alec might cop out now that becoming a stepdad is in reach. Maybe he should be angry that Alec dropped the love bomb via text. But Magnus can't make himself feel anything but joyful anticipation. 

"So, my son saw you in my bedroom?" he asks teasingly and it has the desired result as Alec chuckles in response. 

"Well, yeah. In your bed to be precise. Just a second, but his eyes locked with mine knowingly. Kids of his age should never look like that."

Magnus grins. "They know more than we adults give them credit for. I bet he had suspicions for weeks. He's a smart kid."

"That he is," Alec agrees.

"That's why I had planned to tell him and Max tomorrow. I can't live like this any longer. It's so hard to keep my hands and lips off you."

Alec snickers. "I gathered that. Me too. I can't tell you how happy I am that you're ready to tell them about us."

There is a moment of silence and Magnus licks over his dry lips, biting down to ground himself. "So ... you love me?"

Silence. He imagines Alec running his hand nervously over his face and through his hair. "Yeah," comes hesitantly over the phone, "I do. Sorry if it's too early and sorry that I texted it instead of saying it. I didn't mean it to be like that. It just ... happened," Alec ends lamely.

"I think it's kind of cute," Magnus says and he hears Alec sighing in relief.

"How is Max? Is he alright?"

Butterflies storm through Magnus' stomach freely now. His boyfriend is so sweet. He could have just waited for Magnus to say it back, but he seems to be totally content with just having voiced his own feelings. No pressure, no expectations, just his truth out in the open.

"He is much better now that the fever is down. He's sleeping. Usually, things like this don't last longer than a day or two. He should be back to his old incredible self pretty soon."

"If I can do anything, just let me know," Alec offers.

"I will. I just need to get some sleep now, in case he needs me at night."

"Of course. Sleep well, my love," Alec says and it settles warm and firm in Magnus' heart.

"You too, darling. Sweet dreams."

They hang up and Magnus puts his phone on the worktop to rub the towel over his hair. He's halfway to his bedroom when a wide grin blooms on his face. He turns and strides back to the kitchen.

He grabs his phone and types a message, maybe the most important of his life. It says, _I love you, too._


	23. Chapter 23

"Can Alec read us our bedtime story tonight?" Rafael asks over dinner.

"Yes, pleeeeeease," Max says with puppy eyes.

"I'd love to," Alec answers with a grin. "What are you reading right now?"

"The Neverending Story," Magnus grins. "I thought I should introduce the boys to German authors now that you're part of our life."

"Oh, I bet you're tired of 'The little Prince'," Alec teases.

Rafael groans. "I could recite it in my sleep, in English and French!"

"Don't exaggerate!" Magnus huffs.

"On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux,"¹ Raphael quotes proudly without an accent.

"Très bien, mon chou,"² Magnus praises and bathes in Alec's clear adoration. "They're learning French since they've been babies," he explains.

"And you never talk in French at home to practice it?"

"Oh, we do it all the time," Max says. "But Daddy said your French isn't as good and it wouldn't be fair to you if you didn't understand us."

Alec raises an amused eyebrow. "I only talked to you in French once. Was it really that bad?"

Magnus chuckles. "No. You have an accent you could cut with a knife, but I heard you talking to Sandrine when you tried to explain the best way to the dean's office. I haven't seen her since then. Should we send a search party?"

Alec guffaws. "You may be right. My French is a little rusty. But if you're patient with me, I'd like to join in the fun."

"Je suis d'accord,"³ Magnus grins. "But now it's time for bed."

* * *

Magnus marks his book and lays it on the bedside drawer. Alec sits down next to him and presses a kiss to his forehead.

"That went better than expected," Alec states.

"Were you worried?" Magnus asks, running a hand through Alec's dark locks.

"Of course I was. What if they didn't like to have me around?"

"You know, you are the first person who read them a good night story here at home other than me. And not for lack of opportunities. They really like you."

Alec smiles. "That's good because I really like them too. And I love their magnificent father."

Magnus pulls Alec on top of him and into a kiss. They savour the closeness, the slick movement of their lips, and the arousal slowly growing in the space between them.

Alec moans into Magnus' mouth. "Sorry," he says, pulling back.

"Shhh, don't worry. We just need to be quiet. Can you do that for me?"

"I would do anything for you," Alec breathes and the heavy truth of his words take a moment to sink into Magnus' chest.

He smirks up at him and flips them, taking his boyfriend by surprise. "Stay quiet and I will do the thing we talked about." Alec's eyes darken with need. He mimics closing his mouth with a zipper and sinks into the mattress while Magnus crawls between his legs and starts his ministrations.

* * *

The alarm goes off without mercy. Alec grunts something unintelligible into his cushion while Magnus tries to shut it off.

"Just five more minutes," Alec groans.

"You sound like Rafe," Magnus snickers and sits up. "You can stay a little longer. I just need to get myself and the kids ready."

Magnus presses a kiss to Alec's temple and goes over his morning routine of a quick shower, a turbo make-up and styling session, and then he wakes up the boys, animating Rafael to dress a little faster.

When he enters the kitchen the smell of freshly brewed coffee flows into his nose. But even more beautiful than the prospect of immediate caffeine is the man who brewed it, leaning at the kitchen island with half-closed eyes.

"I said you could stay in bed a little longer, darling. You don't need to get up just because we need to head out early."

Alec pulls him between his spread legs. "I wanna be part of this family and if that means getting up at an unearthly hour, so be it."

Magnus kisses him. It's a 'thank you' and a 'please stay forever'. And maybe Alec feels it too, the changing of the tides, as he looks at Magnus with suddenly wide-awake eyes.

"I'm not hungry," Rafael grumbles from the kitchen door.

"Oh, that's a shame, because I prepared my famous overnight pancake batter. But if you're not hungry," Alec shrugs his shoulders, "Max and I will have to eat them alone, right bud?"

"Yes, pancakes!" Max exclaims and jumps up on the stool at the breakfast bar.

"Okay," Rafael grinds.

"When did you do that?" Magnus asks in surprise.

"Before I went to bed," Alec replies as if it were the most normal thing to do. Maybe it is - for him. 

Warmth spreads through Magnus' chest as he pulls out the maple syrup and the family size Nutella glass. It doesn't take long until the kids are happily inhaling the pancakes and Magnus takes over flipping them so that Alec can eat too.

It's so cheesily domestic that Magnus wants to pinch himself. Is this really his life now? A partner who prepares breakfast for his kids, who really wants him _and_ his children? It sounds too good to be true.

"Will you come over tonight after your consultation-hour?" he asks and Alec grins around a full mouth of pancake.

"Sure, if I don't annoy you already."

Magnus rolls his eyes dramatically.

"You promised to teach me Mau Mau," Max reminds him.

"Sure. We can do that," Alec says and washes down the pancake with a last sip of coffee. "But now it's time for your day at the planetarium. I'm sure Madzie can't wait to see you.

He turns to Magnus. "I clean up and I see you at the uni."

"You don't need to," Magnus protests.

"Yes, I do. And now chop-chop. Otherwise, you're running late."

"You heard the man. Off we go," Magnus tells the boys and presses a quick kiss to Alec's cheek. "Can't wait to see you later, darling," he whispers into his ear.

"Me neither," Alec snickers and kisses him square on the mouth before pushing him out of the kitchen door.

"Coffee table," Magnus shouts before Alec hears the front door clicking shut. He frowns and walks over to the living room. The coffee table is free from any items, save one. It gleams in the morning sun.

Alec takes it and closes his fingers around it. A giddy feeling works its way up from his stomach through his chest.

The key bites into his skin. This is real. Alec opens his hand again and grins at the keyfob. It shows a too familiar castle, one he looked up at every day when he crossed the stone bridge over the Neckar to go to his lectures on the other side of the ocean.

He turns the fob around and laughs out loud. It's a quote from an old German marching song: _I've got my heart in Heidelberg lost_. 

This is not just a key to lock the door behind him today. Magnus planned to give him a key to his loft, a key to his heart. Nothing compares to the warm feeling in Alec's chest. Nothing compares to Magnus wanting him to be a part of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¹It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
> 
> ²Very good, my cabbage. (French endearment)
> 
> ³I agree.


	24. Chapter 24

The sound of an artificial shutter pulls Alec out of his sleep.

"I'm sorry, darling, I didn't mean to wake you. You just looked so cute, I couldn't resist taking a photo," Magnus says, keeping his voice low in the hope that Alec might just slide back into sleep again.

But his boyfriend shoots up from the bed and pries the phone away from him with slightly uncoordinated movements. With barely woken eyes he tries to delete the picture before he realises that the screen is locked.

"Delete it!" he all but yells at a shocked Magnus who stands frozen in front of him. It takes a moment until the meaning of the words sinks in.

"Why? I mean, I do if you insist. But why?" Magnus asks, cursing under his breath when his phone doesn't accept his fingerprint thrice in a row and he has to type in the code with shaking hands. "You looked lovely. See for yourself!"

He holds the screen so that Alec can see the photo properly. It shows him lying on his belly, face half shoved into a cushion, the sheets covering the lower part of his back. It's a perfectly nice, innocent photograph, soft and obviously taken by someone who loves those small, perfect moments he shares with him.

Alec takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to apologise for his behaviour when the boys run into the room.

"Is everything okay?" Rafael asks out of breath.

Magnus is lost for words. He still doesn't understand what got into his usually level-headed boyfriend.

"Yeah, sorry if I scared you," Alec says, "We're fine. I just overreacted. Something triggered a bad memory. I will talk to your Daddy so he'll understand, okay? I'm sorry that I yelled. It won't happen again. I promise."

The boys nod. "Will you explain it to us, too?" Rafael asks.

"I promise. Could you two set the table? Dad and I are with you in a few."

The boys leave and Alec closes the door behind them. He slumps his back against it and brushes his hands over his face.

"I am so sorry, Magnus. My reaction was inexcusable," he finally says, not daring to meet his boyfriend's eyes. 

"I'll delete it and from my dropbox, too," Magnus offers.

"No!" Alec takes a step in his direction. "It's a beautiful picture and it is not ... indecent."

Magnus swallows hard, his mind running a thousand miles an hour. "Did ... did someone violate your privacy in the past?"

Alec laughs out mirthlessly. "One might say so." He walks back to the bed and motions Magnus to join him.

"I had a boyfriend, my first real one. Joey was his name. I met him at a party. He was very experienced although he was a few years younger than me. In the beginning, he was very sweet and patient with me. We made out, but nothing under the clothes, really. I wasn't ready yet. I already had issues with my body then and I was pretty insecure.

"One night after a party, we were really drunk. I was more wasted than he was, maybe that's why I let him undress me. I don't know. I wasn't really coordinated anymore. So, we ended up naked in his bed and I was already drifting away when he asked me if he could watch me jerking off."

Magnus makes a noncommittal noise at that.

"I do not really remember much, but I doubt that I could manage to do that. Fast forward two weeks and he was running out of patience sex-wise. He promised me everything under the sun if I only let him fuck me. I said I wanted to take it slow, offered him to suck him off for a start, but he got angry. Yelled at me if I was kidding, after all those weeks of waiting he deserved more than a lousy blow job from a virgin. Long story short, he tried to force himself on me, but I made it out of his room.

"I thought that was it. I'd just never see him again. Turns out, that night after the party he took a picture of me with my hand on my dick and with half-lidded eyes. It looked like I was pretty much enjoying myself, although I was most likely half asleep.

"He badmouthed me and sent the picture to I don't know how many people. I just found out because one came up to me and told me about it. She had called him out on it, as did others, but ... the picture is probably still out there."

Silence spreads between them. It's heavy and Alec's chest gets tighter and tighter. "Should've told you about it when I came clean about my eating disorder. After that, I just wanted to disappear. I nearly did. Doesn't matter, though. You probably don't want to have someone around your boys whose face might be on sex sites for all I know."

"Alexander," Magnus says, his voice soft and warm, full of sympathy, "that wasn't your fault. And even in the very unlikely event of my children coming across that picture, we will explain it to them. Don't you worry. I'm so sorry that he hurt you like that. And I'm sorry I crossed a boundary of yours. I should have asked first."

Alec shakes his head. "No, don't apologise. You didn't take a nude without consent. You have pictures of me from the day at Izzy's pool where my body is covered less. It's kind of sweet that you wanted to keep this as a memory."

Magnus nods and runs his thumbs over Alec's cheeks. "Thank you for explaining and trusting me with this story. Is that guy still around? Could he damage your reputation?"

"No, I don't think so. He dropped out, as far as I know, went back to Nebraska. I don't think he even remembers me."

"Good. Because he doesn't deserve any more thoughts wasted on him." Magnus pulls him into a hug and Alec sighs in relief, the rest of the tension leaving his body.

"Why ...," Magnus starts, sorting his thoughts, "When we went all the way, I felt that you hesitated first. Was it because of what he did to you?"

Alec pulls back a little and gives him a bashful smile. "There was a moment where I was ... tense about it."

Magnus' eyes carry sadness when he asks, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Alec cups his cheek and strokes his thumb tenderly over Magnus' stubble. "Because I looked at you and I knew that you would never force yourself on me, that I could say 'no' and you would stop in a second. I trust you, Magnus. I'm sorry that I reacted like that earlier. I was still half asleep, in basic mode. Fully awake I would have never thought that you could have malicious intentions."

Magnus smiles and presses a soft kiss on Alec's lips. "That's good. Come on. Let's have breakfast," he says and pulls him up to his feet. "Do you need my help for a G-rated version of your story?"

Alec shakes his head and huffs out a laugh. "I think I'll manage just fine."

Magnus smiles. "I think so, too."


	25. Chapter 25

**Christmas Eve**

"I've got something for you," Alec whispers, pushing a little box over the table in front of Magnus.

"It's not the time for presents yet," Magnus says with a raised eyebrow.

"It's a beautiful German tradition. Gets you way more sleep than the American way," Alec chuckles. "Tomorrow you get the bigger one. That's just a small thing. Come on, open it."

Magnus takes the box and shakes it carefully. It makes no sound. He undoes the bow and picks at the wrapping paper. It's a jewellery box, so much is clear. It's more wide than high. So, no ring.

Magnus doesn't know if he should be relieved or sad about it. It has only been a few months, but it feels like years. Many happy years.

He klicks the box open and sees a silver pendant formed like a feather. It's clearly not bought off the peg. This is the work of a goldsmith.

He pulls the necklace out of the box and runs his finger over the intricate piece.

"Thank you, Alexander. It is beautiful. I will wear it with joy and pride." He kisses Alec softly on his mouth.

"Turn it around," Alec whispers against his lips.

Magnus raises the rear side of the pendant closer to his face to read the tiny engravings.

_L’amour est doux, quand c’est nouveau, mais plus doux quand il est vrai._ *

Magnus' hands are starting to tremble a little and tears collect in the corners of his eyes.

"Don't let your brother ever say again that you aren't a good boyfriend. Thank you, darling. This is the most precious gift I have ever received. Thank you." He kisses Alec fiercely. "I love you."

"I love you, too, my love. You make me the happiest man alive."

"Can't be," Magnus bickers, "that title belongs to me."

**Christmas morning**

"Told you," Alec groans into his pillow at 5.23 am when the boys jump into Magnus' bed full of excitement and energy, "the Germans know how to time the handing out of presents much better."

Magnus laughs and shouts, "Merry Christmas, everyone!" just as excited as his boys a few seconds earlier.

Alec mumbles something unintelligible into his pillow. Magnus suspects it wasn't appropriate for young ears.

"Come on, you Grinch, we make hot peppermint chocolate and then we open the gifts."

"If you ever doubt my love, remember this moment. It shows how devoted I am to you and the boys."

Alec gets up and walks right into the doorframe. The boys and Magnus snicker behind him. Alec grumbles something and walks to the living room just to sink into the sofa cushions. At least he's sitting somewhat upright.

A few minutes later, Rafael balances a Christmas mug carefully until he pushes it into Alec's hand. It shows his name written under an elf that looks suspiciously like him.

"That's your first present," Max announces. "It looks like mine. See!"

And indeed, Max's mug looks just the same, just like the ones that Magnus carries, one with his name and one with Rafe's. Tears prickle in Alec's eyes. No, he won't cry. He's not one of those people.

"Thank you," he says with his heart nearly beating out of his chest. Magnus smiles knowingly and takes his seat next to him.

"It wasn't easy to find one matching ours, but I hunted it down," he says and presses a peppermint chocolate kiss on Alec's lips. "Okay, boys. Ready, set, go!"

The boys nearly fly to the presents lying under the Christmas tree (a real one, Alec insisted and pulled it up all the stairs to the loft, as it didn't fit into the elevator). Soon a mountain of gift wrap builds up steadily.

When the kids are done and happy, they bring the presents they made at school and Alec is moved to tears when both show him that they did one for him, too.

Then, Magnus whispers into Max's ear and the little boy crawls under the tree, pulls out an envelope, and brings it to Alec. His name is written in Max's first-grader handwriting. "Did you make this?" Alec asks.

"We all did it together," Rafael explains.

Alec looks at Magnus whose smile seems to be frozen in a tiny bit of anxiety. Alec wonders what homemade gift could make his boyfriend so nervous.

He opens the envelope and pulls out a letter, colourful and written in three different handwritings, changing with every word. Alec's breath hitches when he reads it, his hands trembling until Magnus puts a soothing hand on his thigh.

_Dear Alec. IT is wonderful THAT you are IN our lives. WE hope that YOU feel the SAME. If you DO, we would LOVE it if YOU moved in WITH us. We LOVE you very MUCH. Merry Christmas, MAX, Rafael, and Magnus._

Alec smiles so wide it nearly hurts. "Yes," he breathes out, "yes. I love you, too, and I can’t wait to move in."

The boys hoot and Max jumps on Alec's lap, cuddling him like only a six-year-old can. Rafael smiles and watches the scene and Magnus grins like a Cheshire cat. Alec pulls him in for a kiss.

"Best Christmas ever!" Alec announces.

"Alec?" the usually perky Rafael asks timidly.

"Yes?"

"Max and I wondered," he looks over to Magnus who tries to figure out what his boys might have nosed out, "if you'd let us ... I mean we have a father, but ..."

Both Alec and Magnus are frowning now. Max sighs like the little drama queen that he sometimes is. "Rafe and I wanted to ask you if it's okay if we call you Daddy."

Alec's heart misses a beat or two. Magnus looks at him with wide eyes.

"Boys, you can't just spring that on Alec," Magnus tries, misunderstanding Alec's silence. Rafael's face falls.

"No, I'd love that," Alec hastens to say. "I just think it would be a little confusing if you shout for your dad and I come running, you know."

Rafael smiles and Max giggles. "That's true. So, what can we call you?"

Alec looks at the tree with German Christmas decoration and at the pendant that is still sitting on Magnus' chest since he put the necklace on him last night.

"What about 'Papa'?" he asks and both boys try it out and grin.

"Sounds perfect, darling," Magnus says.

It's perfect, indeed.

THE END

*Love is soft when it is fresh, but it is even softer when it is true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's over. But the four have their happy ending and I need to let them go with a crying and a laughing eye.🥺🥰
> 
> Thank you all **so much** for reading and commenting, for rooting for and shouting at these two men in love. Every kudos, every emoji, every single comment means so much to me. You keep me going even through the rough patches. 💜
> 
> Thanks to Hittiske who beta-ed this story again. I'm so happy to have you at my side with your wit and your challenges. 💜
> 
> There is a new Malec story starting in a few days. It will be a post TV canon fic, starting 25 years after their wedding, called "A love that knows no bounds". In the meantime, check out my other [Malec works](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&include_work_search%5Brelationship_ids%5D%5B%5D=53153&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&fandom_id=6856609&pseud_id=s_a_b_i_n_e&user_id=s_a_b_i_n_e).
> 
> I'm working on a fic in another fandom right now. I wrote it in a way that non-fans can enjoy it too. [Feel free to check it out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29240007/chapters/71797659). Maybe you’re interested to join me there. 💙💚
> 
> Until we read each other again, stay safe!  
> Lots of love,  
> Sabine


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